What a year it was. A lot of things happened that will
undoubtedly change the human race forever. Tom and Katie got married, Brad and
Angelina adopted some refugees, Britney Spears flashed her hoo-ha at everybody...
it was a year rife with importance. But how do you really gage where we stand
as a species? What really sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom?
Why, it's robots, stupid! Nothing screams out, "I'm
self-aware!" more than a robotic representation of ourselves. So, that
being said, with all of our collective knowledge, know-how, and engineering
skill, what would be the best way to utilize our robot counterparts? Here's a
list of the year's best robotic ideas, in no order of importance or relevance:
Tired of human bartenders cutting you off just when your
buzz gets going? Then fire the human and hire the robot! And that's why there
is the Roboexotica Festival, which
bills itself as the world's leading exploration of cocktail robotics. According
to an article
on wired.com, "Roboexotica is the brainchild of a group of Viennese
techno-artists called Shifz, which started
the event in 1999 reasoning that if robots were ultimately supposed to interact
with humans in everyday life, then turning them into bartenders was a natural
step." Magnus Wurzer, one of the festival's organizers, proclaimed,
"I'm still amazed at how enthusiastic people can get about alcohol and
robots." You can't get anymore succinct than that, now can you?
Exhausted from going to work in person? Send a robot version
of yourself instead. According to an article on wired.com, "Hiroshi Ishiguro is a busy man.
Between his two jobs, countless meetings and presentations, his demanding
schedule was eating up all his time. So he built an android version of himself
to pick up the slack." If he's so busy, where did he find the time to
build an android? Quit asking your stupid questions and listen to the genius'
reasoning. "It blinks and fidgets in its seat, moving its foot up and down
restlessly, its shoulders rising gently as though it were breathing ...
Ishiguro, whose job is teaching at Osaka University, an hour's drive away,
designed Geminoid so he could "robot in" to his classes and skip the
commute." Notes from Ishiguro's last business meeting: Thank you all for coming. Unfortunately,
Ishiguro could not make the meeting today, so he sent this creepy, rubber
android in his place. It has webcam eyeballs so Ishiguro can gaze upon us from
across the Internet and a loudspeaker in its hollow head so Ishiguro can chime
in through a microphone at his computer at home.
Sick of your cat pissing on the carpet? I know I am. So give
him the boot and get Paro, a seal robot with therapeutic properties. According
to this
article, "Japan's
Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry (METI) has announced its top ten list
of finalists for the 2006 Robot Award." Paro was one of the lucky winners.
It is a furry white robot modeled after a baby harp seal. It can serve as a pet
alternative for general households and research has shown that it has therapeutic
effects on patients. Its entire body is covered in tactile sensors and its
actuators provide it with smooth movement. It's so real that you will want to
club it to death with a baseball bat.
 Ready to tell that high-maintenance girlfriend
to hit the road? Well, now you can: Introducing the Actroid
Female Robot. This creepy female replacement can turn her head, blink her
eyes, and bow when you walk in the room. Watch the video for the full-on creepy
effects.
And finally, according to a speculative
paper released by the British government, "Robots might one day be
smart enough to demand emancipation from their human owners, raising the
prospects they'll have to be treated as citizens." The study also
speculated that robots could sue for their rights if these were denied to them.
Should the robot bastards prove successful, the study said, "states will
be obligated to provide full social benefits to them including income support,
housing and possibly robo-healthcare to fix the machines over time."
Robo-healthcare? Who do these robots think they are? If our governments won't
extend these kinds of rights to our gay and lesbian communities, why would they
extend them to robots? Robots, they think they're better than the rest of us
because they look cool and talk like CP3O. Our future doesn't look so bright
after all.
With the year winding down and plenty of time to reflect on
all of the events of the past 12 months, be thankful that the human race is
diligently working on replacing the one thing that we hate the most: ourselves.
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year! Thanks for making our site a part of your weekly lives. Please tell a friend about us. And look out next year. We have some nifty plans up our sleeves. See you in the New Year. Peez out!
Related Articles
|
Commentary 
(0 vote)
