Have you seen
that TV commercial depicting the "publishing house" Gramercy Press wooing a
"writer" over a telescreen? This writer had long, shaggy hair, wore a thick
sweater, and spoke in a soft British accent. As a writer in the real world, I'm
here to tell you that there's far more to writing than wearing fat sweaters,
puffing a pipe, and murmuring like Jeremy Irons or Ralph Fiennes.
But this is
typical of the idea people have about writers and writing. The truth is,
writing is a cut-throat profession where, if you're any good, you leave dozens
of bodies in your wake. And if you follow the so-called "rules of writing,"
you'll find yourself holding a one-way ticket to Nowheresville, living in a
cheap motel with paper bath mats and an air conditioner that doesn't even have
a HI-LO setting.
I suppose the
notion about writing I find most amusing is "Write what you know." I have
several novels-in-progress, and not one
is about anything I know. For example, one of these novels is a western. Here's
the opening paragraph.
Brad Summers looked at his watch. The
digital display said 10. The stagecoach bringing his girlfriend Courtney to
Dodge City was an hour late. Brad peered down the railroad track. Where were
those horses anyway! He decided to go over to the bank machine and take out
$500. He'd need it for the Civil War coming up.
Did I live in
the Old West? No. Have I done any research on the subject? Certainly not. But
you're going to read on, aren't you? That's because you're being carried away
on the writer's imagination.
Here's another
example, from the medical thriller I'm working on.
Suddenly the kidney jumped out of Tony
Lloyd's body and leaped onto the floor of the airplane. With its tiny arms the
organ grabbed the leg of Nurse Brittany Rodriguez. "I'll tackle her!" it
threatened. The medical personnel froze as the kidney then ran up to the front
of the plane and wrested the controls from the pilot.
What do I know
about kidneys? Nothing. But I know if a kidney jumped out of a body it's better
that it does it on an airplane, where hundreds of people can be put at risk.
That's called plotting, and that's called imagination. It's the writer's most
important tool.
Another cliché
about writing I find laughable is that writers write "every day." I don't know
about other people, but I write only when I feel like it. We writers have what
is called a "muse." It inspires us to do our work. If your muse isn't around,
you're totally wasting your time trying to write. Writing isn't like mowing a
lawn or scraping a garage overhang; the words must be carefully harvested out
of your inner being, like grapes.
One time I made
the mistake of trying to force it. I sat down and summoned forth my muse, which
was nowhere to be found. I was uninspired, and my writing showed it. It
happened as I was writing my medical thriller. Sans muse, this is what I came
up with:
Suddenly the kidney fell on the surgical
room floor. Nurse Brittany Rodriguez picked it up and put it back in Tony
Lloyd's body. "Thank you," said Tony. "You're very welcome," replied Brittany
pleasantly.
There's no
greatness in this writing; no suspense, no conflict. There's no airplane! My
muse is the one that told me to put the kidney in the air, give it legs and
arms, and the ability to threaten the lives of hundreds of innocent passengers.
I am but a medium; I accomplish art by channeling this muse onto paper.
Naturally when
my muse is inspiring me, I cannot be disturbed. That's why, when my co-workers
bother me with trifles like phone calls or asking about lunch, I have to say to
them through clenched teeth, "Can't . . .
you . . . see . . . I . . .
am . . . composing?" On occasion I've had to jump up from my
chair, whip off my cape, and cane them about the head and shoulders. However, I
hope this article has helped them, and you, gain a small understanding of what
it is we writers do.
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