 My friend Kristen is dating a married man. He lives in New
York with his wife, but he visits Austin
regularly. His wife thinks he is traveling on business, and she is seemingly
unaware of the infidelity. The affair has lasted more than a year. Kristen is
under no illusion that he will leave his wife. In fact, she really likes the
current situation and doesn't want him to divorce. He evidently feels the same
way.
Am I the only person who sees a big problem with this
relationship?
I saw the two of them out last night downtown. Another
friend (completely unaware of boyfriend's marital status) asked the happy
couple how they met. Kristen giggled as she launched into a long, boring
story-something about spilling a beer on him at a concert. Then she actually
said, "It was love at first sight." Gag. I wanted to ask Kristen a few more
pointed questions- Did he tell you he was married? If he did, why in the world
would you still be interested? If he didn't, why didn't you leave him when you found
out he was a liar? Instead of causing a scene, I held my tongue, smiled, and
walked away.
Although I was only with Kristen and the boyfriend for a few
minutes, the encounter ruined my entire evening. I kept thinking about how the
boyfriend's wife was alone in New York
on a Friday night, totally unaware of her husband's gallivanting. Or was she?
Is it really possible that this affair has gone on for so long without her
knowledge? Maybe she was enjoying a romantic night with her lover as well. As I
scanned the faces in the bar, I wondered how many people had secretly slipped
off their wedding rings for the evening. I went home early-too disgusted to
enjoy my evening out.
Call me old fashioned, but I don't believe in cheating. My
adamancy about the issue probably stems from my parents' example of a real
marriage. A few years ago, in preparation for their 35th wedding anniversary, I
asked Dad how he and Mom have made their marriage work for so many years. He
smiled and said, "I love her completely and can't imagine ever being with
anyone else."
Kristen's boyfriend obviously doesn't feel that way about
his wife-or Kristen for that matter. So, was it really love at first sight?
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