 When I was single I never had a puppy to take to the park and other places with me. I hear it is a great way to meet the ladies, though. I had a cat at the time, but I don’t think dragging him through the park on a leash around big dogs with names like Roscoe or Bandit would have been his idea of a good time. Besides, how do you go about talking to the ladies while holding a twelve pound black hissing fur ball that is trying his hardest to claw your eyes out?
Fast forwarding to the present, now I have something better than a puppy to take with me on outings... the kids! My baby girl gets a ton of attention when we go places because she is absolutely the cutest and sweetest thing on Earth. My son received those “Oh my goodness, he’s such a cute baby” remarks when he was little, too. He’s a cute kid and all, but now the security cameras mostly notice him as he’s running through the aisles at Target. To be fair, he still gets noticed for his cuteness, good manners, and charm. Someday if he gets a puppy, the ladies better watch out.
My daughter and I usually go shopping in the morning when my son is in school and the stores are not as crowded. You can actually hear the music playing from the ceiling speakers and not have to worry about any kids running loose down the aisles. The only children there are the little ones like my baby girl, and they are all sitting in baskets pushed by their mommies. I seem to be the only dad around these parts that stays home with the kids. Of course, this always makes the mommies ogle in my direction. At first they kind of glance out of the corner of their eyes like they are trying to determine if I am a kidnapper and maybe they recognize me from America’s Most Wanted. When they notice that I have caught them peeking into my basket to see if I am feeding the baby a healthy diet, they turn and say things like, “Aww, she is so beautiful!”
“She sure is.” I reply. “I found her outside in the parking lot so I thought I’d keep her. Do you think she will like these cheese stuffed jalapenos? It looks like she has a few teeth now. What do your kids eat?” I ask them while inspecting their frozen goods.
Okay, that is not really what I say. I usually tell them that she is so beautiful because she looks just like her mother. None of them have ever asked me to prove it by showing a photo of my wife, so I guess they ditch the kidnapper theory and take my word for it.
One particular morning we were grocery shopping and a nice elderly lady that works in the bakery came up to us all excited with a cookie.
“Here you go sweetie. Can she eat this?” she asked me.
This was before she started eating solid foods and in the back of my mind I heard my wife saying to me, “No, James. She’s too young to have all that sugar.”
So I replied, “Well, she hasn’t had a cookie yet because she’s only 6 months old and only has a couple of teeth. I’m not sure if she can chew it up.”
“Oh, okay.” said the nice lady in a disappointing tone. “Well you can eat it then.”
“You bet I can!” I said. “Thank you!”
She turned and walked back to the bakery without noticing the ear-to-ear grin on my face. She was hoping to make my daughter’s day by giving her a cookie. She made mine instead.
Last week after a quick lunch with some Quirkee people in downtown Austin, we stopped at the post office. I didn’t have her stroller so I carried her in one arm and the box to ship in the other. As a former waiter and bartender, I gained the ability to pull open doors with my hands full. Most of the time I don’t have to utilize that skill because somebody nearby sees me carrying a baby and politely opens doors for us. And they say chivalry is dead? Women have opened doors for us and older guys will stand aside and hold them open until we walk through. All it takes is a baby in tow and suddenly people have manners again!
While we were waiting in line at the post office, I sat the box down on the counter. I was switching arms back and forth because baby girl weighs in at almost 20 pounds. She was smiling at the ladies behind me while tugging on my face. When the line started moving, one of the ladies picked up my box and moved it for me! Now that was a really nice thing to do. She obviously didn’t work for the post office. I’m not sure, but I think she was checking out my left hand to see if I was married. Sorry lady, this horse already has a rider.
Although, now that I think about it, she could have been looking to see if I had any recognizable tattoos that matched the kidnapper she saw on America’s Most Wanted.
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