 Last weekend, my single girlfriends
and I had a frustrating conversation with our male friend, Ryan. Although he is
decidedly heterosexual, Ryan is the token member of our Girls' Wine Club. The
club started informally a few months ago and has developed into a blessed
ritual. Any member can convene the group when the need arises-a bad day, a bad
date, or just a general desire to drink and laugh with friends.
Wine club meetings follow a strict
agenda. First, we each update each other on recent events-work achievements,
school classes, or family matters. After a few more drinks, we begin to discuss
our relationships. Ryan listens to our endless talk about men and offers his
insight. His general mantra is very simple. "Ladies," he states with conviction,
"you are thinking way too much." He laughs as we analyze specific words in
emails and text messages. He scoffs at our attempts to decipher the real
meaning behind a hug or kiss. In short, he thinks we are ludicrous. Although
he's probably never read the book, Ryan reiterates (almost verbatim) the
opinions of Greg Behrendt, co-author of "He's Just Not That into You."
By now, most single women are
familiar with the book, which was co-written by a creator of Sex and the City. The
first chapter is entitled, "He's just not that into you if he isn't asking you
out: Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out." Other chapters
reveal that "he's just not that into you" if he only wants to see you when he's
drunk, if he's sleeping with someone else, or if he's breaking up with you. The
book is honest, forthright, and very scary for most women. Mention the book
title to many females and you are likely to witness a moment of silent
reflection and remorse. We grudgingly realize that the book contains the holy
grail of information about men. We will even admit that it contains the truth about
our friends' relationships. But for
some reason, we still want to think that it doesn't apply to us. I am a perfect
example.
I went out for the first time with
a new guy last weekend. It wasn't a formal date, but we decided to meet up for
Friday afternoon beers. We had a great time, stayed out late, ended up at his
house, yada, yada, yada. I've seen him regularly this week, because we are
working on a school project together. Luckily, it hasn't been uncomfortable at
all. We continue to laugh and joke around as if nothing happened between us.
But, as a woman, my ego is a little shot. Although I am not interested in
pursuing a relationship with him, I am disappointed that he hasn't asked me out
or acknowledged the encounter. I am definitely guilty of over-analyzing this
situation...Maybe he's too busy with school. Maybe he's waiting until the project
wraps up. Maybe he's intimidated and scared. Maybe he fears rejection...
Of course, the answer to all of
this is simple-he's just not that into me.
Sigh. I think its time to call an emergency wine club
meeting.
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Adventures in Dating 
