"Ya mom is so fat (how fat is she?).
Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy
with twenty-two burritos, but times are rough
I seen her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs." For those of you who don't know, that's from The Pharcyde. But unfortunately for the U.S. of A., it seems to be true. According to an article on excite.com, "The gravy
train - make that the sausage, biscuits and gravy train - just kept on
rolling in most of America last year, with 31 states showing an
increase in obesity." Apparently, we're all guilty of ingesting the "sausage, biscuits and gravy train" because we're all fat asses. Fat asses!!! The article goes on to explain, "Obesity now exceeds 25 percent in 13 states, which should sound some serious alarm bells." Ding dong! Ding dong! No, put down the ding dongs and start jogging. Jog as far as you can. Dr. Jeff Levi, executive director of Trust for America's Health, explains it in this easy-to-digest fashion, "If we're
urging people to walk more, and their streets are not safe, that's an
unrealistic expectation ... If we're urging people to eat
more fresh fruits and vegetables,
and they don't have access to a supermarket or the cost is beyond their
capacity, then we're not asking them to take responsibility for
something they have control over." Who is going to buy apples and grapes at $3 per pound when you can get a friggin' hamburger for 99 cents at any burger joint? Eat away, Fatty!
The police finally caught one of the most sought-after criminals on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted Fugitive List. Osama Bin Laden, you are asking yourself? No, Warren Jeffs, notorious polygamist. According to an article on cnn.com, "A paper license tag, a salad and stories that didn't make sense pricked
the suspicions of a state trooper who stopped the car of a wanted fugitive polygamist in Las Vegas." When the police pulled his Escalade over, Jeffs was very evasive and started eating a salad in the back seat. Nevada Highway Patrolman Eddie Dutchover explained, "I noticed Warren was extremely nervous. He was sitting in that right side back seat and wouldn't make eye contact with me ... But his carotid artery was pumping." And he started eating a salad in the back seat? How crazy is that? Officer? If you don't mind, I have to scarf down my Big Mac before it gets cold. My license and registration? Can't talk. Eating. But it is nice to know that Warren Jeffs is not running the streets anymore. Our daughters are safe, for now.
This past weekend, the most unthinkable of the unthinkable happened. The Crocodile Hunter passed away. While filming some segments at Batt Reef in the Great Barrier Reef for a new show he was working on, he swam over a stingray that was buried in the sand and was stung in the chest. He died shortly after pulling the barb from his chest. As my wife and I watched the news, we were shocked. Just shocked. Watching his show was a ritual for us a few years ago. And to be quite honest, there was an air of invincibility to him. As crazy as the stunts seemed, he always came out on top, not getting stung or bitten or crushed. But according to John Stainton, Irwin's manager, "If ever
he was going to go, we always said it was going to be the ocean ... On land he was agile, quick-thinking, quick-moving and
the ocean puts another element there that you have no control over." And on Larry King last night, poor Mr. Stainton broke down in tears as he reminisced about his friend who died just 24 hours before.
Also on excite.com, Irwin's dad, Bob Irwin, said Steve realized his work was dangerous and that he
could die doing it. "Both of
us over the years have had some very close shaves and we both
approached it the same way, we made jokes about it ... That's
not to say we were careless. But we treated it as part of the job.
Nothing to worry about really ... We weren't like father and son, we never were," he continued. "We were mates. I will remember Steve as my best mate ever."
It's just so sad. I know you're sitting in heaven right now, mate. Take care, Steve. R.I.P.
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