Quirkee.com - Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Snob

You are here: Home

Quirkee Voices

Accidental Comic

Don't Hate Me Because I'm a Snob

Written by Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant, on 11-19-2008

I guess I'm a snob. At least according to the new McDonald's coffee commercials. In one ad, after discovering that Mickey D's now sells lattes and cappuccinos, two guys rejoice at being able to shave their goatees, stop calling movies "films" and talk about football again. The two women in another ad are ecstatic about not having to listen to jazz all day and finally getting to wear heels again (heels, oh goody!). The implication being that drinking fancy coffee drinks at plastic tables surrounded by toddlers screaming for French fries while their older siblings squirt tomato out of packets at everyone at the surrounding tables makes for a much better coffee-drinking experience.

So I must be a snob. I prefer the place I drink coffee to smell like coffee, not like meat. I like knowing with absolute certainty that grease from the deep fryer hasn't splattered into my beverage. And for entertainment, I really would rather listen to David Sanborn or Norah Jones than help Elmo find his way out of a maze.

Snobbery also must explain why I voted for Barack Obama. I didn't want to elect a President I'd feel comfortable having a beer with. I don't really even like beer. I thought it was simply a taste preference (I prefer hard liquor), but apparently I'm just snobbish. I wanted a president I felt comfortable solving national and international problems. One who preferably had recently read something longer and less illustrated than Highlights for Children and who could do the NY Times Sunday crossword puzzle in pen. Someone who didn't skip most of his college classes to party with his frat house, but graduated Magna Cum Laude (and could spell and pronounce those words) from Harvard Law School.

My distaste for both Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, is also an indication of my deep-rooted snobbery. Because if I were a good American, I'd appreciate the simplicity of a woman who hunts moose from a helicopter and feels no shame doing it while wearing a $5,000 suit from Nieman Marcus. I'd have felt kinship with Joe, a guy who is not a plumber and whose real name is Sam. Instead I was drawn to Joe Biden the lawyer, a guy who was both named Joe and actually a lawyer, as well as a senator. You can't get more snobby than that.

More proof of my snobbish leanings: If I had kids, I'd want them to go to college. I enjoy art museums. I listen to NPR. I've actually worn a beret, and not on a dare.

But our new President-elect is encouraging all Americans to come together. Blue state and red state. Young and old. Black and white and Hispanic and Asian. Snob and Joe Sixpack.

So please, McDonald's, stop with the negative campaigning. Quit trying to paint people who are willing to pay $1 more for a cup of coffee at a quiet coffee shop where there's free WiFi and clean tables as evil and un-American. Can't you see you're driving a wedge between all of us?