 Halloween is supposed to be scary. Although it's
scarier where I live. In Eugene, Oregon people dress, shall we say "unusually,"
365 days of the year, so you don't dare say "Cool costume!" when you walk by
someone in a bride of Frankenstein outfit because there's an outside chance
that's what she (or he) wears to work every day. It's like reaching out to pat
someone's belly and asking how pregnant they are, only to be met with a cold
stare and a defensive, "I'm not pregnant, I'm a guy. And I'm on Jenny
Craig."
But this year, Halloween is confusing for everyone, rolled up as it is in
the middle of a giant election burrito. If someone shows up at your door with a
chainsaw he could be a trick or treater OR a politician fed up with negative
campaigning. One will want a miniature Snickers bar and the other your vote AND
a handful of Snickers bars for all the members of his staff who all have low
blood sugar after months of living off energy drinks and power
bars.
Then of course there are the kids and grown-up
kids who dress up as political candidates. I hear Sarah Palin masks sold out at
Wal-Mart almost as soon as they put them on the shelves. What I can't decide is
whether people bought them because they think she's scarier than any made-up
Halloween goblin or they actually want to be her, you betcha. One way or the
other, good luck coming up with the $150,000 for the rest of the outfit! (An
aside here: why didn't they just sign Sarah up for the TV show, What Not To
Wear? She'd have gotten a complete make-over that would only have set the GOP
back $5,000).
The longer the presidential campaign drags on (what's it been now, three
and a half years?), the more it seems that political ads are being written by
the same kids who used to TP your house and egg your car if you dared give them
raisins or handmade popcorn balls instead of store bought candy. John McCain's whole ad campaign with the
message of "We don't really know who that one, that Barack Obama really is"
combined with his running mate's insistence that Obama "pals around with
terrorists" could easily be the trailer for a new Halloween horror
movie.
Scary Voice-Over Guy: A serious and disturbingly inspiring young
man by day, Barack Hussein Obama
changes into someone else at night. He doesn't seem affected by lack of sleep,
lower back pain, or the apparent demise of the entire capitalist system our
country is based on. He smiles, but just what is he hiding behind those pearly
whites?And just why won't he wear a flag pin? Could it be that, like a vampire
who can be repelled with a cross, the flag scares him?
Just as Hussein arrives on the scene, a series of
inexplicable disasters occur. Hurricanes batter the soutern and eastern coasts
of the United States.
Trains collide. Wall Street collapses. A mammoth is found frozen in a lake in
Michigan. A
ballerina sprains her ankle. Oprah puts on weight. It turns out that drinking all that
water isn't good for you after all. A man has too much Botox and can't smile for
a week.
But all is not lost. Enter the Prisoner of War and a gun-toting mama from
the North Country. Can they save the world from
the evil that wants to rule the world? Or will they get really, really tired
trying?
The Week After Halloween: The
Electionator. It's all the blood without any of the Gore. Coming Nov. 4th to a polling place near you.
I'm not a big fan of horror movies or things that
go bump - or chad - in the night. So rather than sitting on the edges of our
seats and yelling "Don't go into the basement," as this flick plays out, there's
only one safe solution. Each and every one of us has to grab some
disenfranchised, apathetic or just damned lazy person and get him or her out to
vote. It doesn't matter if it takes a chainsaw and a mask of Sarah P. The
alternative is just too spooky.
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Quirkee Voices 
(0 vote)
