So, I get a delightful phone call from my friend, Lindsay.
"Hey, Carol, I was thinking that about you and I wanted to see my friend and you are not one of those people that would scream, 'Ew! Nature! No!' so I thought we could go for a canoe ride on Town Lake together. So anytime, maybe not tomorrow or Thursday or Friday. So anyway, you let me know."
"Heck yeah! Let's go get some paddling freak on!" I said, or thought, or thought later. One of those applies. "Okay, Wednesday it is!" I said and hung up the phone, delighted and smiling. Lindsay and me on a boat in the sunshine. Sure to be a pleasure.
Anyway, I was so excited! Once, I took my girlfriend and our kids canoing and they all complained at the 17 minute mark that they wanted to go back, that it was taking too long and my dream of a fun-filled nature ride, on a lovely canoe, in the lake, in the summer, when it's hot was all for naught. They weren't diggin' it. I think someone ended up crying to get out of the boat and the kids ending up consoling her, but I could be totally recollecting this in a way that makes me look like I wasn't pouting and throwing a fit to get to paddle more...lots more...down the lake and ultimately causing all aboard to die of thirst or boredom, I don't know which.
So, here I was, getting to go for an afternoon canoe ride on Town Lake
with my wonderful friend Lindsay. She is the coolest, that Lindsay. She
is one of those people that others gravitate towards, want to be next
to and somtimes, just want to hug. She's very positive, amazingly
talented and funny and we can dictate Ren & Stimpy at one another
and find it funny, rather than awkward, embarassing for others or
completely inappropriate. She's rather cool that way.
On Wednesday, I got off from work and went to the crazy house where
Lindsay used to live with 25 other people, who happen to be rather
picky about their protein, as I will soon learn, and I picked her up.
"Good luck with the drug screen thing!" she yelled at a one of her 25
roommates as she opened Velvet's door and got in. (*Side note - My
Volvo is a Black S80 that, when clean, looks as smooth as velvet, hence
the name. Although, her cleanliness is questionable in the real world,
it is what I dream of her being at all times and one day this dream may
actually manifest itself into my reality. I'm a dreamer.)
"You know, that's one of those things that just conjures up all kinds
of images and odd questions in your head when its the only sentence
overheard in a conversation," I said tilting my head.
"Yes, I know. She really does have a drug thing but I said that just for your benefit," Lindsay proclaims with a childish grin.
This is going to be so cool.
So, off we go, through a traffic hell that Austin has become known for,
weaving and detouring our way down the drag to Zilker Park, in order to
procure a most fantastic canoe for our rowing and floating pleasure. It
turns out that Lindsay works with a guy who works at the canoe rental
place and we are getting our little canoe ride for free...hee hee. I am
so happy, I am literally hopping up and down in little, tiny hops while
Lindsay gives them her driver's license and a promisory note for her
first born so we can aquire our 10 dollar paddles.
"You need to wear life vests, " the charming, patchouli soaked guy from
behind the table tells us. As I wiped my eyes and stopped doing the
"cat chocking on a hair ball" throat thing from inhaling the waft of
patchouli that was lingering above his head like a dark cloud of doom
and black peppered body odor scentedness, I looked over and saw the
bright orange, very "other people have been wearing these, lots of
people that you don't know" dirty pile of life vests sitting in a canoe
next to the one we were about to so heartily enjoy on our leisurely
float and row fun down Barton Springs to Town Lake.
"Hm," I said, "really, I have to wear one of those? Really? Can't I
just go to my car and get some other sort of floatation device. A
styrofoam cup maybe? Its biodegradable! I swear that I can float in it
if the boat capsizes or something, really, I only weigh..."
"Yes, you have to wear it," he said, as the fumes circled his head and radiated into the ozone.
"That's cool, we'll wear them. Where are the paddles? I can't find any
paddles. Carol, have you seen the paddles, we need paddles," Lindsay
said turning around to find me standing in front of our canoe, holding
two rather, "other people have had their hands on these and other parts
of their own bodies" paddles, smiling and mini bouncing in wild
excitement to go and row and float. "Oh, cool, we have
paddles.............never mind."
So, Lindsay forcefully and gently coaxed me into applying the public
people germ retention device that was doubling as a "Life Vest" right
before it kills you from contracting the plague, to my body, secured it
tightly in place, on my body, touching my skin and it was actually on
me, and we drug our canoe and our very touched paddles over to the
shore and I told Lindsay to get in.
"Really? Uh, really? I was going to...can you even lift an empty canoe?
Really? Okay, this is going to be so much fun, I'm glad we get to canoe
together," she said.
"Do you know how to steer a canoe?" I asked her.
"Sure, no problem," she said and sat down and took the back seat while
she inspected her paddle and the odd thing that was floating in the
water next to her.
"Great! What is that in the water? Is that? No. What is that?" I
mumbled under my breath as I pushed the canoe into the water and only
got one foot, with a suprisingly water retaining flip-flop, completely
soaked as I jumped in.
"Aren't there things living in this lake that are NOT found in nature?"
I thought as I looked at my shoe. Convinced that some bacterial
disinfectant could prevent the growth I was sure was occuring on my
foot, between my toes and in my shoe, I shrugged off the impending
feeling of germ madness and began our row and float journey with great
anticipation of a good time to be had.
As we left the bank, happily paddling our canoe up Barton Springs, we
simply ignored or didn't even notice the large sign, the large BLOCK
LETTERED BLUE AND WHITE SIGN that read, "WARNING! Wind advisory of Town
Lake. Stay on Barton Springs or you will be charged a $100 Tow Fee for
your retrieval." Lalala, we're going canoing. Ignorance is bliss.
(menacing music inserted here) Dum dum DUM!!!
To be continued...
|
Carol Standard Time 
