 A
question people seldom ask me is "How did you get on the fast track to
success?" They don't ask me anything about success. They think because
I don't wear suits or have my hair cut by professionals they can't
learn anything from me.
Well, I got news for those people who think I'm a clod who doesn't have
any good fast-track or pursuit-of-excellence or megatrends talk. The
talk I do have is better. I've got better ways to get ahead than all
those management monkeys in their fancy underwear. And I'll share it
with you. No seminars, no fees, no hidden costs. No charge.
The most important thing to remember in moving up the corporate ladder
is to Always Let Them See You Sweat. You've heard just the opposite,
right? Well, that's Fallacy Number One. Common sense dictates that the
more you look like you're busting your hump for the company, the
further you'll go. "I do work hard," you say, "but the boss doesn't
seem to notice. I feel like the myth of Sisyphus here, pushing a heavy
rock up a hill and then the boss pushes it back down and I have to
start over."
You've
got to do what I do. How's the boss going to know that you're working
hard unless you make it crystal clear by every word you utter, every
move you make, every expression that crosses your face? You've got to
show him or her that you're sacrificing your health and peace of mind
for the good of the company. When my boss asks me to do something, the
first thing that comes out of my mouth is "Oh God, oh God." It doesn't
matter what task he asks me to perform. Whether he asks me to run to
the post office for stamps or go get some copies made, I respond with a
gasp and a few moments of pre-heart-attack-type labored breathing. Then
the simple, tortured eloquence of "You want me to go?" This tells the
boss one thing: that you're getting ready to fall on your sword for the
company. (Then throw in a few more minutes of gasping and breathing
before saying, "I'll carry the ball for you on this one, boss.")
Believe me, this stuff is remembered at promotion time.
While
you're working at your desk, make sure everyone around you knows it.
This best can be conveyed by the classic technique of chanting "work,
work, work" or "busy, busy, busy" every five minutes or so. (Frequent
sighing punctuates these work mantras nicely.) Other statements to let
fly during the workday: "All right, what's next on the agenda!"; "I'm a
busy, busy executive"; "Let's see here, let's see here"; "I'll handle
it - as usual"; "What do these people want from my life?" (a personal
favorite); "Let's get organized, let's get organized"; "These people
are trying to kill me"; and its variation "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna
die." If you pepper your day with these phrases, no one is going to
think you're fooling around, even if you are. I myself toss off a few
of these while sitting at my desk reading People or the sports page,
giving the illusion of perpetual labor. (An added bonus: if the boss
thinks you're busy, he or she may not ask you to do anything else.)
What
cannot be overstressed as well is the value of sucking up to the boss.
I give speeches to my co-workers like this, within the boss's earshot:
"Now the boss told me personally that you all aren't giving it 110% and
that there could be some drastic changes around here if you don't shape
up. Believe me, I'd hate to see any of you get fired, but I think if we
work together on this we can turn this thing around and . . . let me
get that for you, boss!" And then I run over to the boss and help him
lift his coffee cup to his lips or move his chair, whatever I can do to
be helpful. Not only have I helped him, he's heard me give the rest of
the staff a needed pep talk, which also lightens his load. Sure, your
co-workers may build up a resentment toward you, but are they the ones
signing your weekly checks? They don't have to love you.
You mix up the martyrdom technique with sucking up and I guarantee you
there will be no stopping your climb to the top. I guarantee it.
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