 Last Saturday night
I gathered up a group of my friends and headed down to the Frank Erwin
Center (FEC) to see Richard Lord's latest group of spirited boxers duke
in out in front of what could only be described as a raucous crowd. Now
I've never been to Vegas for a big fight, but after attending last
Saturday's fights I can only hope that someday Quirkee will pony up the
money to send me to the City of Sin for a weekend of testosterone and debauchery. What follows is the blow-by-blow tale of Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Night at the Frank Erwin Centerrrrrrrrrrrr!
After pre-funking
at my buddy's house with Jack Daniels and Pizza, the Gang and I entered
the FEC ready to party, but were quickly brought back to earth by the
$6 beers at the concession stand. I mean $6, really? If
we were seeing Cotto vs. De La Hoya, I'd understand the need to take
out a loan for a round of beers, but when most of the fighters on the
card still had day jobs I think the crowd would've been better served
with dollar-beer night and free nachos. Luckily though, thanks to Sinatra's drink of choice, we were already buzzed and weren't to be deterred by expensive crappy beer.
*I've left out the
names of the fighters in the first seven fights in order to save the
losing fighters from any ribbing that they might receive from their
co-workers.
The first fight of the night was a match-up between an 0-2 fighter and a 1-7 fighter. Which
begs the question - if you've lost 7 out of your first 8 fights, then
perhaps it's time to start taking that day job a little more seriously,
right? Still anyone who has the balls to get in the ring and duke it out mano y mano has my full respect. Unfortunately,
after the first round was over, it was painfully clear why these
fighters had only combined for one victory and why the crowd at most
big fights arrives fashionably late. After the
first-round card girl came out announcing the round though I quickly
realized why it's so much fun to see fights up close and in person. In
summary, you know it's a pretty crappy fight when the round card girls
are providing more excitement than the two guys in the ring.
If the first fight
was boring, then the second fight was the exact opposite, because if
you happened to blink or decided to use the restroom you missed one
hell of a knock out! Let me put it this way, you
know it's a pretty bad knock out when the announcer has to come out and
give away prizes while they're trying to revive the losing boxer enough
to walk back to the dressing room. The only
thing that was missing was Smokie, from the movie Friday, crouching
over the dude and yelling, "You got knocked the FUCK OUT!"
Did I tell you that most of these fighters were unknown? It
was true and the third fight hammered home that point for sure as a
chiseled white dude from the pages of Abercrombie & Fitch battled
an older black guy that looked like someone's pissed off Uncle who
drank too much at the family barbecue. I'm not kidding! The
man's body looked like it was sponsored by Snickers, but his right hand
hammered that poor white kid to a pulp for four rounds. The
fight was called a draw but the real winner was the crowd as we watched
Uncle Ricky turn back the clock for four rounds on a hot Saturday night
at the FEC.
Fight number four
featured an up-and-coming Hispanic fighter who had won three fights by
knock-out against the poor bastard that took the fight on short notice.
He drilled him with crisp combos for a round and a half and then
finally put him out of his misery in the second round. I'd
tell you more, but the fight was so one-sided I decided to take a break
and get a round of $6 beers that took roughly an hour and a half.
One thing that you never get to hear when you watch fights on
television is the commentary from all of the drunks in the crowd.
Seriously
as much as I love boxing, with 8 fights on the card, I might've gotten
bored at some point if it hadn't been for the drunken rednecks sitting
behind us heckling everyone from the announcers to the parents of the
fighter in the fifth fight. I won't tell you
what they said, but let's just say when someone has to ask you to stop
yelling racial slurs at the boxers, you've probably had one too many
Lone Stars. I kept waiting for the parents of the poor boxer getting
his ass kicked to snap and charge Cletis and his crew. Sadly,
other than the giant black eye the losing fighter received, the
heckling was the only thing that was memorable in fight number five.
Fight number Six on
the other hand was probably one of the most brutal fights that I have
ever seen, as the two guys in the ring decided that there was no sense
in throwing jabs when you could throw haymakers and eat right hands all
night. Of course we probably should've expected
as much when fighter number one came out to "Lose Yourself" by Eminem
or "The White Guy Rap Song" as the Redneck behind us squealed in
delight. The best part though was after the decision was read the
losing boxer staggered back into the ring and demanded a rematch! Bad
Ass!
Fight Seven was good, but unfortunately it had to follow the Fight
of the Year. While the boxers fought hard, it didn't stop the crowd
from booing when the action didn't live up to their standards. Again I
ask the question: how can you boo someone who has the balls to get in
the ring??? I
looked around and roughly 9/10's of the crowd probably would've gotten
winded from the walk to the ring, yet still felt the need to boo
whenever the fighters dared to try and rest. America! You've got to
love it!
The last fight of the evening was for the Texas Super Featherweight Championship between Adauto Gonzalez (8-4-1) and Justo Vallecillo
(5-4) - which brings up the question: how are you in a title fight with
a 5-4 record? Seriously, I know it's only the Texas Title, but you'd
think they could've found someone a little better than 5-4, right?
Regardless
of their records, though, the two boxers battled it out primarily in
the center of the ring to the delight of the sobering (thanks to the $6
beers) crowd. In the third round Gonzalez
unleashed a super sweet two-punch combo that floored Vallecillo and
turned out to be the deciding factor in the title fight. That night
Gonzalez may have won the title, but if you ask me the real winners
were the fans at the FEC.
All
in all, Fight Night at the FEC was an entertaining evening that showed
up close just how hard it is to be a real prize fighter. From
the vicious knock outs, to the brutal slugfests, to the downright
boring slap-fights, we saw the good, the bad and the beautiful - yet
somewhat slutty. Not bad for a twenty dollar ticket if you ask me.
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