One time, I knew a lady who hyphenated her last name when she got married, ending up as Stickrod-Stewart, on purpose. No doubt she has the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever met. It's like she wants people to make fun of her name.

Parents should think long and hard about what to name their baby. My Mom didn't. In fact, up until the moment I was born, I was to be named Jennifer. Legend tells that five other girls were born that night, four of them were named Jennifer. So, to ensure her baby girl would be unique, she Piper'd me on the fly.

"Piper? Like, the Pied Piper?" "That's an unusual name." "Was your Dad a pilot?" "Hey, I know someone named Piper!!"

I hear at least one of those a day, and usually several times a day. I'm forever being asked to clarify... "Phifer?" "Hyper?" "Pepper?"

What's the deal with stupid people? It's not like my name is Scharmaleeta, or anything. Everyone has heard my name before, and no one needs to tell me who it is that has it. I don't really care.

It's kinda like saying to your waiter named ‘Bob', ‘hey, I have a friend named Bob!' Bob the waiter doesn't give a crap.

I'm sure my Mom didn't know that my name would be such a pain in the ass, but it still makes me angry sometimes.

Okay, it's not really my name that makes me angry. It's the ignorant fools who think they are the very first person who thought of ‘Peter Piper.' They laugh and laugh at their previously undiscovered wit. Even my own precious Granny (who was not a fool) asked me once if I thought I would marry a man named Peter. She loved me, this I know, but her joke still wasn't funny.

In sixth grade, the evil year, a kid named Clint finally got what was coming to him. We both played clarinet in the band, I was first chair and he was second. It didn't matter to our teacher that he spent everyday taunting me, she actually giggled when he rallied the boys to call me ‘Piper the diaper wiper.'

I think it was a Tuesday, I think the principal was drinking coffee. What I know for sure is that the first time I got sent to his office was for assault and battery. Clint was too busy laughing at me, he never saw it coming. His numb skull cracked my horn when it busted him upside the head. I didn't have to be in band anymore after that.

Over the years, I'm pretty sure I have heard it all. Boys have always been so clever, and once I got older, their names for me did become much more endearing. There are variations of my name that I enjoy. ‘Pipes' is good. For some reason all the cool guys always end up calling me ‘Pipes', I'm okay with that one. Also, ‘Pipper' isn't too bad.

Basically, what it comes down to is that I have heard it. If you can think of it, I have heard it. So, when it came time for me to select a moniker for myself to use out in the great big web world, I had lots of choices to pick from.

I needed something that was more me though, something fresh, something that no one else would think of. I hearkened back to a fond summer I spent in the mountains, with a bunch of hippies and other free thinkers. One friend of mine, in giggly inebriated glory, would cleverly punctuate most words with ‘of love.' She would reach into her ‘pocket of love', or we would paddle out in a ‘canoe of love.' It became our inside joke of the summer. The summer of love, I mean.

I chose Piper of Love without much forethought at all actually. It sounded cute when it popped into my head. No one had ever called me Piper of Love before, but it rolled off my fingers easily, and it made me smile.

Aside from the occasional rage against ignorant fools, and the very rare clarinet upside the head outbursts, I actually like my name a whole lot. I'm a Piper if there ever was one. Piper suits me, and Piper of Love describes me better than one might imagine. Piper of Sarcastic Banter, Piper of High Hopes, and Piper of Delusions of Grandeur could have worked, but those are all just too cliche for the likes of me.

Oh, just in case you are wondering, I do know that one of the girls on Charmed is named Piper. Also, there was an actress, and there's an airplane. Only if you are lucky though, will the Piper lead you to reason.

Good ole Mom, she took my name from the greatest rock song of all time.

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