Average user rating    (3 votes)

Views 2218

One time, I knew a lady who hyphenated her last name when she got married, ending up as Stickrod-Stewart, on purpose. No doubt she has the best sense of humor of anyone I've ever met. It's like she wants people to make fun of her name.

Parents should think long and hard about what to name their baby. My Mom didn't. In fact, up until the moment I was born, I was to be named Jennifer. Legend tells that five other girls were born that night, four of them were named Jennifer. So, to ensure her baby girl would be unique, she Piper'd me on the fly.

"Piper? Like, the Pied Piper?" "That's an unusual name." "Was your Dad a pilot?" "Hey, I know someone named Piper!!"

I hear at least one of those a day, and usually several times a day. I'm forever being asked to clarify... "Phifer?" "Hyper?" "Pepper?"

What's the deal with stupid people? It's not like my name is Scharmaleeta, or anything. Everyone has heard my name before, and no one needs to tell me who it is that has it. I don't really care.

It's kinda like saying to your waiter named ‘Bob', ‘hey, I have a friend named Bob!' Bob the waiter doesn't give a crap.

I'm sure my Mom didn't know that my name would be such a pain in the ass, but it still makes me angry sometimes.

Okay, it's not really my name that makes me angry. It's the ignorant fools who think they are the very first person who thought of ‘Peter Piper.' They laugh and laugh at their previously undiscovered wit. Even my own precious Granny (who was not a fool) asked me once if I thought I would marry a man named Peter. She loved me, this I know, but her joke still wasn't funny.

In sixth grade, the evil year, a kid named Clint finally got what was coming to him. We both played clarinet in the band, I was first chair and he was second. It didn't matter to our teacher that he spent everyday taunting me, she actually giggled when he rallied the boys to call me ‘Piper the diaper wiper.'

I think it was a Tuesday, I think the principal was drinking coffee. What I know for sure is that the first time I got sent to his office was for assault and battery. Clint was too busy laughing at me, he never saw it coming. His numb skull cracked my horn when it busted him upside the head. I didn't have to be in band anymore after that.

Over the years, I'm pretty sure I have heard it all. Boys have always been so clever, and once I got older, their names for me did become much more endearing. There are variations of my name that I enjoy. ‘Pipes' is good. For some reason all the cool guys always end up calling me ‘Pipes', I'm okay with that one. Also, ‘Pipper' isn't too bad.

Basically, what it comes down to is that I have heard it. If you can think of it, I have heard it. So, when it came time for me to select a moniker for myself to use out in the great big web world, I had lots of choices to pick from.

I needed something that was more me though, something fresh, something that no one else would think of. I hearkened back to a fond summer I spent in the mountains, with a bunch of hippies and other free thinkers. One friend of mine, in giggly inebriated glory, would cleverly punctuate most words with ‘of love.' She would reach into her ‘pocket of love', or we would paddle out in a ‘canoe of love.' It became our inside joke of the summer. The summer of love, I mean.

I chose Piper of Love without much forethought at all actually. It sounded cute when it popped into my head. No one had ever called me Piper of Love before, but it rolled off my fingers easily, and it made me smile.

Aside from the occasional rage against ignorant fools, and the very rare clarinet upside the head outbursts, I actually like my name a whole lot. I'm a Piper if there ever was one. Piper suits me, and Piper of Love describes me better than one might imagine. Piper of Sarcastic Banter, Piper of High Hopes, and Piper of Delusions of Grandeur could have worked, but those are all just too cliche for the likes of me.

Oh, just in case you are wondering, I do know that one of the girls on Charmed is named Piper. Also, there was an actress, and there's an airplane. Only if you are lucky though, will the Piper lead you to reason.

Good ole Mom, she took my name from the greatest rock song of all time.

---

Tag this article:

Customer Reviews (20)

Add your Comment

Posted by Mrs.4444, on 06-30-2008, 1. Half-Past Kissin' Time Loved this post. When Kendall was a baby, I had her on a diaper deck in a McDonald's, where a long line of blue-hairs (from a bus tour) was parading by. Every so often, one would ask her name, make a comment about her dark hair (lots of it) and ask if I had had a lot of heartburn when I was pregnant. One lady asked her name, and I told her. She screwed up her face and slowing said, "So, you're going to call her Kendy, then?" "Um. No. We're going to call her Kendall." "Ohhhh." She begrudged. She simply could not make room in her psyche for the name Kendall (for a girl). And lastly, I need to share that a certain relative by the last name of Wolfe named his son Harrison. Cute, huh? Harry Wolfe. Nice. Even after I brought it to his attention, the name was chosen. "No one would have the balls to tease MY kid," he claimed. I'll bet his son (who is now in middle school) has thought about killing his parents.   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Kadi Kunte Kinte, on 06-26-2008, 2. Quirkee Mom Don't feel too bad. I'm in the same freakin boat. I was named after Kadi Kunta Kinte, from the book "Roots" by Alex Haley. My mom read it while pregnant.   My last name was Cobb. I heard every effing joke about corn that you would never want to hear.  We should sue our mothers!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by piper, on 06-24-2008, 3. Fo sho! Momo Rocks!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Momo Fali, on 06-24-2008, 4. Piper Rocks! You are SO not a Jennifer.   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Maureen, on 06-22-2008, 5. http://www.ratherbeblogging.com Hah! Love it Piper! I always wonder how people come up with their online names; I thought the whole POL was a pseudonym. I love Piper... but I can feel for your younger self having to bear all the teasing from dolts like Clint. Good for you for giving him what he deserved!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by piper, on 06-20-2008, 6. Marc? @ Marc - I'm not dropping any hints, the world is FULL of stupid people!    Thanks for finding your way here, surprised me :)          @ OCanadad - Scharmaleeta is my code name.      @ Jeremy - Thanks, I like your name too ;)   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by mgrossfl, on 06-20-2008, 7. Visiting Piper, Too cool! Are you insinuating that there are stupid people out there? Aw come on! Would love to have seen you hit Clint upside the head with your clarinet. Too freakin' funny!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by OCanDad, on 06-20-2008, 8. I liked it Scharmaleeta is my mothers name. What the hell is wrong with that? jk!    Enjoyable read.   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Jeremy, on 06-20-2008, 9. Discovering Dad I like Piper! It's unique, fun and interesting, just like you!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by piper, on 06-20-2008, 10. Olivia Piper... Mishi! Your daughter has a lovely name, she also has the coolest Mom in the world ~xo   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Secret Agent Mama, on 06-19-2008, 11. Well, You Know That My Daughter... ...is Olivia Piper, and her father's a pilot, and we watched Charmed, and that favorite actress of ours from that favorite show has a daughter named Piper. Oh and the translation of her name: PEACE PIPER!!    I love your name. It's perfect.   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by james, on 06-19-2008, 12. My sister is a Jennifer and she probably was not the only one in the hospital being born with that name either! :grin   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by piper, on 06-19-2008, 13. I feel pressure! :zzz     Jennifer! thanks for laughing at that line.   I thought it was poetic myself. Jennifer is a great name, btw ;)    I agree with all of you that it's better for me to be named Piper. It just works better.    Elizabeth, thanks for letting me know you feel my pain. It's annoying isn't it? But, there was a time when I would have loved to be named Mallory.         I'm crossing my fingers and toes, hoping I can pull of another one of these next week! Thanks for the great response, it's blown me away :)        I think my Mom   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by ElizabethSheryl, on 06-19-2008, 14. I feel you. My first name, being Elizabeth, is pretty common..mostly as a middle name. For some reason, everyone and their mom like to tell me "Oh, my middle name is Elizabeth!" or "so and so's middle name is Elizabeth!"....And? That is good for them, I like my name, but Im' not sure of the response they are looking for. I also do not like Liz as a nickname and am usually fighting that with a stick...but yes, I'm sure growing up as Piper must have been ridiculous. :) (Born in 1985, I was ALMOST Mallory, so I'm happy with the dad-influencing my drugged up c-section recovering mom with Elizabeth)   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Miss (of ruraandmiss, on 06-19-2008, 15. Pipes I really like that! 8) You rock girly!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by B, on 06-19-2008, 16. Far superior Piper is far superior to Jennifer...I mean, no offense Jennifers of the world.    I was always wondering about the 'of love' part. Thanks for the fill in.   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Pat, on 06-19-2008, 17. Nice! Your mom made a good choice in both eschewing Jennifer (nothing against Jennifers out there) and going with Piper.    Mike Doughty has a song called 27 Jennifers, it starts out "I went to school with 27 Jennifers..." good song. I think your mom told him to write it.    And good to know that I am not pissing you off when I refer to you as Pipes. Whew. Although I get the feeling you would have spoken up.    Good to see you in the Quirkee fold! And great profile photo!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Jennifer, on 06-19-2008, 18. Great stuff! "His numb skull cracked my horn when it busted him upside the head." :grin     Looking forward to more!   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Jack, on 06-19-2008, 19. Awesome article! Glad to see moms here again! :)   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment... Posted by Joeprah, on 06-19-2008, 20. Piper is the Bomb Piper is the best eva! Great stuff Pipes, you know I love your name. Awesome   » Report this Comment to the site administrators » Reply to this Comment...