| Written by JR Brow,
on 06-12-2008
|
Views : 1020  |
 When I was a young boy, my father was a Sergeant in the U.S. Army, and we did a lot of traveling. In fact, by the time I was 10, I had been plucked out of 5 different elementary schools. In Junior High (now called middle school), I was voted "Most Likely to Move".
As a family, we never went on vacations. We just moved to wherever it was that we were going. We did, and I loved it. I never joined the service, but as a stand up comic, sometimes my job takes me to the exact same places my father has been, to entertain people doing the exact same job my father did many years ago.
I just got booked to perform in Guantanamo Bay on Independence Day.
GITMO, baby! My agent just closed the deal and on July 4th, a comedy
show will be held for all the soldiers and their commanding officers at
GITMO - and yours truly gets to close the show! There is nothing like
making a room full of people laugh, but it's even better (to me,
personally) when that room is filled with folks who haven't had too
much to smile and laugh about.
My last out of country experience was in Korea and Japan. I spent 10
days traveling to 7 U.S. Military bases in the Far East, and kept a
daily log of my experience. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I
enjoyed writing them:
TEN DAYS IN ASIA - DAY 1 - HAPPY DANCING PIG
I spend my first day walking around Chinhae, Korea with fellow comic,
Slade Ham, an affable dude from Beaumont who does these tours on a
yearly basis. We have a few hours before our first show, so we decide
to venture off base into the small downtown district where all the
businesses are located. If ever I'd felt like a stranger in a strange
land, this has to be the moment. In my mind, at least Slade's been here
before - maybe he'll have an idea. But it turns out that if the sign
doesn't say 'Bar' or 'Restaurant' or 'Tailor', he can't venture a
better guess than me.
We make a game of trying to figure out what type of commerce goes on in
each building. There are no recognizable logos for us to adhere to,
except an occasional McDonald's, Popeye's Chicken or Burger King. We
walk to the edge of town as we continue our efforts to translate an
alphabet that looks alot like "Telephone Pole, Tree House, Box of
Crackers". On one sign, we see a cartoon of a cute pig in a chef hat
and a cleaver in it's hand, dancing around a fire pit. Easy guess, I
think to myself. It's gotta be a restaurant! Much to my surprise, it's
a discotheque. Slade goes, "Wha?" I go, "Well, he is dancing. Guitar!"
We cross the street, and make our way back to base to get ready for the
show.
Slade and I walk into the bar area, and for all the anticipation
leading up to this tour, we get our first dose of reality. Ten minutes
to show time, and the room is empty. That's right, the Navy throws a
party and nobody shows. I count eight, ten, maybe twelve sailors
gathered in a bar that could possibly accommodate everyone on base, if
need be. By the way - Slade, me and Mr. Jimmie the bartender are three
of the twelve. We flip a coin to see who will open, and I lose. On the
other hand, I consider it a victory because we quickly learn
post-facto, that sailors like to drink. A lot, and fast. By the time I
finish my set, they are good-and-sauced, and oh-so-ready to yell
obscenities at Slade. The loudest audience member in the room, Chief
Petty Officer 'Ski' does exactly that.
Slade is in the middle of a funny bit when a huge bellow of a voice
yells, "Hey! Hey comic number two!" Slade laughs under his breath,
stops for a second then meekly answers, "Uh, that'd be me. Can I help
you sir?" CPO Ski drunkenly blurts out, "I just wanted to say that the
second guy usually sucks, and you don't suck for being the second guy!"
After watching him deal with an audience of nine, where at least eight
of them are heckling him, I give Slade Ham kudos for surviving a
comedian's worst enemy - combat conditions. Forty-five minutes and four
actual jokes later, Slade is being patted on the back for a job well
done, while yours truly drinks cheap liquor and pours quarters into a
trivia game at the bar.
In a brochure given to us by the booker, it states, "There will be
shows where you will not be able to tell your jokes. Most of these guys
appreciate you, but they will want to talk to you and heckle you while
you're up there. They're really glad to see you! Be prepared to insult
them back, but please do so in a way as not to offend." On a side note,
the word 'redneck' is considered a racial slur on base. How about that?
We can't even "Git 'r done!" The other side note reads, "The 'n' word
will also not be tolerated. It has come to our attention that, thanks
to a few black comics, that word is no longer welcome." When I read
this is I'm thinking, "Great, there goes my first ten minutes."
Obviously that's a joke, but on serious note, there was really a time when that word was welcome?
To be continued...
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