 Last month we had a bit of a dust up down here in Texas when some
members of a Mormon splinter group called the Fundamentalist Latter Day
Saints were accused of sexual misconduct.
It seems that whenever a group of people in Texas close themselves
off from the rest of society and tries to worship in a way that is
regarded as weird or unconventional, the state government goes charging
in with the Texas Rangers, the ATF and a couple of S.W.A.T. teams to
spoil their fun.
Apparently, the State had several problems with what these people were up to at their compound.
First of all, the members of the FLDS are staunch polygamists whose
male members are allowed and even encouraged to take three or more
wives. The State had a problem with this I suspect largely because it
was jealous that the FLDS had been able to convince its women that this
was okay.
The State grumbled about it but never really did anything to stop it.
But then it became rumored that some of the wives that were being taken by the men were younger than the legal age of consent and therefore were the victims of abuse. So they went charging in with a bunch of cops and removed all 462 children from the compound.
I should get it out of the way and state that I find the thought of the sexual abuse of minors to be repellent and I believe anyone found guilty of such a crime should be disallowed from ever being in contact with a child again and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
But it got me thinking about the polygamy thing.
Are multiple marriages between consenting adults a good idea?
There have to be some benefits under such an arrangement. For the man at least. If you’re a man with six wives, you have to guess that at any given time at least one of them isn’t suffering from a headache. I’m also pretty sure that bath night would be fun.
Of course you can imagine the downsides to it. Monthly cycles would eventually converge. Imagine trying to win an argument with six pissed off wives who hate you on a given day.
Also such families tend to have an enormous number of children. I take back what I said earlier about bath night. To save time and water you’d be forced to put them all in the back yard and turn a hose on them.
Polygamy exists in several different cultures around the world and for the most part the people in these families seem to make it work. But when you hear about these marriages it usually is one man with a bunch of women. It’s never the other way around.
Why? I don’t know. I suppose you have to be very emotionally evolved to be one of multiple spouses. Or you have to be emotionally stunted depending on what side you fall.
It’s difficult to imagine a group of men all married to one woman at the same time. It seems to me that it would just be one long fistfight all day, every day.
But maybe there exists a group of people that could make such an arrangement work. It’s fun to speculate on the details of daily life with a six husband one wife family.
I know that when my wife needs to leave me a note to remind me to do something, she puts it in a place that she knows I’ll be looking at sometime during the day like the TV or the computer screen.
I like to imagine a scene in this family when one of the husbands whose turn it is to be intimate with the wife begins to undress her and when he takes of her bra, there on her right boob is a handwritten note that says...
“Steve, we’re out of milk. Dave...”
I don’t know how realistic this family that I’m imagining would be, but I’m sure that right now, in a Hollywood office it’s being pitched for a new sitcom.
I hope everyone enjoys Six and a Half Men, a Girl, a Pizza Place and a Hell of a Lot of Diapers on CBS this fall.
Me? I think I’ll stick with one wife and no kids rather than six wives and 50 kids. It’s a lot less messy this way.
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