The next dad to come in for an interview is Jeremy Biser. Jeremy and I have something in common besides the fact that we are both stay-at-home dads; we both interview other dads, too! Two weeks ago I was featured in his Spotlight on Dads series for his Discovering Dad site. Last March we both met in the Dads Community on cre8Buzz.com , a new social networking site for bloggers, writers, photographers, entrepreneurs, sports enthusiasts, and many others. Here he is to tell you more about his life as a dad.

• Taking on the commitment of an at-home dad is a big decision. What factors contributed to your family’s decision?

The simple answer is that my wife, Lori, had a job with more flexibility. When she got pregnant, we were both District Managers working for incredible retail companies. Both of us made good money, and we both loved our jobs. We both had good benefits, although hers was slightly better with regard to paid leave and flex time. We didn't make a final decision until a few months before our son Ty was born.

 

At the time, I had an opportunity to start a part-time business and work mostly from home. It seemed logical to follow that path - we could continue to have two incomes plus one of us at home with Ty. It also made things easier and more flexible with getting my teenage daughter Chani (from my first marriage, and she lives several states away from us). It was a very logical progression, although I admit that I never thought I would be in this role.

 

I severely underestimated the difficulty of being a stay-at-home parent - it is the hardest yet most rewarding job that I've ever had in my life.

• How has the family adjusted to your new role?

The kids love it! Lori is definitely the nurturer, while I’m the playmate and disciplinarian. I enjoy roughhousing with the kids and doing fun activities with them throughout the day. We go for walks and to the park to break things up, but I also teach them to play independently and to be helpful in getting things done around the house.

 

When Lori isn’t traveling overnight for work, we always try to eat dinner together as a family too. I think this time together helps to keep us all connected. I have a lot of meetings and work commitments at night after dinner, so it can be a challenge to find time for everything.

 

We have routines, in which the kids get time with both me and Lori, and we have found a way to make things work for us.

I think anyone who is responsible for taking care of another person (big or small, old or young) must be loving and selfless. I am a loving person, even though I do have a bit of a stoic exterior. I also try to be selfless, but like most people, I’m not always successful at this quality. I think the thing I have that makes me good at taking care of our kids is a positive attitude.

 

For me, the glass is always half-full. I honestly believe that attitude is contagious, so I work hard at being a positive role model for my kids. I help them focus on solutions, not problems. I teach them that life is full of possibilities, not limitations. I tell them what they do right, more than I tell them what they do wrong. I show them, through example, that there is something good in every person and situation, even though it may be hard to find.

• Where is your favorite spot to go when you have time without the kids?

I’m not sure if I have a favorite spot to go without the kids. I guess I would say that I enjoy having some undisturbed time in my office to work on my websites and write without interruption. I’m the kind of person who does have limits in social interaction. I need to have some alone time each day to recharge my batteries and organize my thoughts.

 

I used to enjoy going to the gym to work things out and do something productive, but I haven’t gone consistently in years.

• Our wives expect us to keep the house in somewhat of a non-chaotic state. I actually don’t mind vacuuming or doing dishes but laundry is not my favorite. What chore do you abhor the most?

I love cleaning! I also love ironing and yard work. Chores are another thing that is therapeutic to me. I’m not sure if you’ve ever read the book Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham, but it talks about signature themes and natural talents. One of my themes is called “Achiever,” which essentially means that I subconsciously assign points to every activity I do each day. If I reach a certain level of points, then I’m happy; if I don’t, then I get stressed. I earn a lot of achievement points cleaning each day, and I’m sure my wife is thankful for this idiosyncrasy.

 

The funny thing is that I can see this rubbing off on the kids too. They make messes, but they also love to clean them up. They’re not as compulsive about it as I am, but it’s nice to see them straightening and organizing things proactively.

 

If I had to pick one thing that I don’t like to do, it would be putting clean clothes away. I don’t mind doing the laundry, and I also fold and hang the clothes; however, I usually leave the putting away task to my wife. The only other thing that I view as a chore, and genuinely despise, is cooking.

• If you could play a professional sport, which would it be and why?

Without a doubt, I’d say football. I played football my entire youth, all the way through college. I was a linebacker, and I loved running the defense. People think football is all about hitting people, and to a certain extent it is; however, the truly great football players are smart, strong-willed and physically talented. I dreamed of playing professional football for many, many years.

 

Contrary to popular belief, playing football is more like chess than checkers. You have to be able to read formations, and then react to changes on the fly. You’ve also got to have heart to play through the pain, which, unfortunately for me, is something I had to do too often (I’ve broken both legs, several ribs, my nose, multiple fingers and toes, and received stitches more times than I can remember). Put it all together, and you’ve got a sport that challenges and stimulates your entire being. It’s like a microcosm of life itself.

• With the exception of your wife, who was the last person you had an adult conversation with, and what was it about?

Unfortunately, I’ve had to have a lot of “adult” conversations lately. My newly born daughter, Caitlin, came six weeks premature. Shortly after her birth, she developed a very serious condition, called Necrotizing Enterocolitis (a severe infection of the intestines that can result in surgery or worse). As a result, I’ve had to have many conversations about the fragility of life with doctors, friends and family members. When things are good, it’s amazing how much we take stuff for granted; however, when things are bad, it helps us appreciate our blessings.

• What is the biggest misconception people have about you?

That I don’t work anymore. Just because I work out of the house, and I am primarily responsible for taking care of the kids, doesn’t mean that I don’t work! In fact, I work more and harder now, than I ever did in a traditional job, and I was a workaholic before. This misconception is especially true among men, who often seem to think that the only way to fulfill your responsibilities in a family is to be the dominant financial provider. One of my friends said something the other day that is very indicative of this mentality. He said, “You must be so bored with all that time sitting around the house every day.” Bored!?! What the hell is he talking about? So, I said to him, “You must feel real guilty going out and playing golf all day on Saturday, when you haven’t seen your kids all week.” And that was the end of that conversation. Work-at-home or stay-at-home parents are misperceived and undervalued by society in general.

• What is your favorite kids show on television?

I don’t mind watching Little Einsteins. Normally, when the kids are watching a show they like, I take advantage of the time to get some work done.

• What peculiar habits does your significant other have?

There are two things that Lori does that make me go hmmmm: 1) she sucks ketchup directly out of the little packets at fast food restaurants (which also tends to make me throw up a little bit in my mouth when I see her do it), and 2) she always takes three sips of her drink at a time, which is something of a nervous habit. As it relates to parenting, the only peculiar thing I can think of that Lori does is use words that she likes to call “Pennsylvania Dutch,” like schnootzie and schluppy. I’ve never heard a Dutch person use those words, but hey, I’m not from Pennsylvania.

• Now that you've exposed your wife’s Quirkeeness, what peculiar habits do YOU have?

I can’t stand for things to be left on the kitchen counter, even for five minutes. If it’s on the counter, and I walk into the kitchen, it’s getting moved, stowed or trashed. This drives my wife batty. I also have to sleep with my hand touching a wall or dresser or something cold. If I can’t touch something colder than my body, then I turn into a thermonuclear reactor under the covers. Depending on the weather, Lori will remove or place my hand on the wall while I’m sleeping so she can either warm or cool the temperature in bed. I think that’s just mean, don’t you?

 

As it relates to parenting, I have a habit of repeating the funny things that the kids say which often ignites a flurry of repetitive sayings between me and them that get progressively louder. For example, my son Ty snapped one of his toys in half and said, “It bro-ken!” Everything we touched for the next ten minutes was “bro-ken,” until Lori finally lost her marbles on us and left the room. Ty said, “Where mama?” I said, “She bro-ken!” Lori yelled from the other room, “I heard that!” Ty and I thought it was hilarious.

• If your life was turned into a movie, which actor would play you?

Dane Cook, although he is definitely more entertaining than I am.

• If you were trapped on a deserted island, what three things would you need to survive?

1. My family, 2. My Swiss army knife, and 3. A lifetime supply of real toilet paper (just the thought of using leaves or coconuts makes me cringe).

• Do you have a philosophy to live by?

Yes, I do. My grandmother used to always tell me to “do what’s right because it’s right, and you will always sleep at night.” I’ve always tried my best to live up to this maxim. I do my best to treat others as I want them to treat me. As I’ve grown older, I have also aspired to the advice of Stephen R. Covey, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This philosophy is particularly helpful when you have kids of varying ages – it’s difficult to switch gears quickly with them, and it’s important to maintain a mindset of understanding first.

• It's been stated that everyone in the world should have their own theme song. What would be the theme song for your life?

Going the Distance by Cake.

• You are the publisher of Discovering Dad and also do an interview series with other dads called Spotlight on Dads. Tell us more about the site and why you started it.

Discovering Dad grew out of a journal that I wrote during the first 90 days that I was the one primarily responsible for the kids. I wanted to create something special that I could give to Chani (my teenager) and Ty (my toddler) when they were older, so I started writing it in July of 2006.

 

My degree is in journalism, so I already had a passion for writing. Once I rebuilt the habit of writing every day, I began to look for something beyond a private journal - something more interactive. My first blog was actually one called Thoughts On Quotes, which I still maintain today as a personal growth and leadership development site. After I figured out the tremendous potential for interaction in this new medium, I knew it was the right outlet to document and share my experiences as an at-home dad. I started Discovering Dad in the Fall of 2007.

 

One of the things I loved most when working as a journalist, feature writer and editor was profile pieces, so I took my past experience and applied it to the site. Spotlight on Dads is a weekly series that exposes readers to all kinds of dads, and it’s one of my favorite things about the site.

• What words of wisdom did your father share with you? Was it good advice?

My father is a great man, and I am blessed to have such a positive influence in my life. He always leads by example, and he has taught me many important lessons about how to be a good man, husband, father and friend.

---

Tag this article: