 According to an article on statesman.com , Dave Chappelle's wife is still upset that he walked away from his $50 million contract with Comedy Central. Dave said, "She's not mad at me, but don't think you can walk away from $50 million and your wife is just going to be cool with it." That's for sure. I think I would have a lot of explaining to do. Now, I've read his explanation for why he left and at first, it really did make a lot of sense to me. He felt he was pressured to be something he was not and that he felt he was made to do things he didn't want to do. But I would have loved to see the look on his wife's face when he tried to give her that same "I have integrity" bullshit. I hope Dave was fast enough to duck her first punch after laying on that one.
According to an article on cnn.com , an inmate trying to escape from his cell crashed through a ceiling panel and landed just feet from jailers in the lockup's lobby. The jailer claims, "He was able to open the door and pull himself up and through somehow, and then he fell down through a panel in the lobby." Doesn't it sound like that scene in the movie The Breakfast Club where Bender escapes his solitary confinement through the ceiling and then falls through the ceiling panels into the library? Can you imagine that jailbird telling the same blond joke then (insert loud crashing noise) falling into a room full of policemen?
According to an article on wired.com , "the [U.S.] government secretly collected records of ordinary Americans' phone calls to build a database of every call made within the country." The article goes on to state that, "AT&T, Verizon and BellSouth telephone companies began turning over records of tens of millions of their customers' phone calls to the National Security Agency program shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks." Now I don't know about you but if they did do this, then the government has records of a lot of phone calls to my mom that consist of "What did you do today? Oh, you cleaned your bathroom. That's nice. Me? I went to work. Yesterday? I went to work yesterday too." When are we going to impeach this idiot president? Oh, that's right, he didn't have sex with an intern so he can't be impeached. If I did something seriously wrong at my place of employment, then I would be fired on the spot. So why doesn't Congress fire him? Also, in Bush's address to the nation , he declared speaking English as fundamental for immigrants to assimilate into American society. He went on to say that, "English is ... the key to unlocking the opportunity of America. English allows newcomers to go from picking crops to opening a grocery, from cleaning offices to running offices, from a life of low-paying jobs to a diploma, a career, and a home of their own." But speaking English well is not a requirement for becoming President of the United States. This from a man who repeatedly pronounces nuclear as "nu-cu-ler." For crying out loud...
According to an article on msnbc.com, "A mother [was] convicted of beating and kicking her daughter’s teacher in front of the girl’s seventh-grade class." The teacher testified that the mother came into her class and "grabbed [her] hair and dragged her across the room while punching her in the face and kicking her." The mother's defense team tried to have the sentence reduced by saying that the teacher's injuries "were not that serious" even though she had two broken ribs, a concussion, bruises and damaged disks in her neck. If that's NOT serious, then what is? Not serious is a bruise or scratch. Broken ribs and damaged spinal disks are serious. In honor of Mother's Day, this mother receives the OVERZEALOUS PARENT PARTICIPATION award for an action that sounds better in theory than practice.
And finally, the I CAN SEE THE FUTURE LIKE NOSTRADAMUS award goes to Rasheed Wallace, who predicted his Detroit Pistons would demolish the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 4. Wallace ranted that, "I know we're going to win it ... We're going to bust their (butt). Tomorrow night is the last game here in this building for this year ... Y'all can quote me, put it back page, front page, whatever." And then the Pistons proceeded to lose 74 - 72. The funny thing about predictions is, if you are right, you can see the future. If you're wrong, you're just a regular moron. Rasheed should keep his mouth shut and let his game speak for him. Or if Rasheed really needs someone to talk to, maybe he and Tom Cruise should hang out. Tom thinks he knows everything too.
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