 “Grab your lunch and let’s go to work!”
It’s that time of year again when summer comes to an end and the kids go back to school. If you haven’t done so yet, this is always a good time for a “Take Your Kids to Work Day” so they can see what you do while they are at home watching countless hours of non-educational, low quality programming on the electronic babysitter. Make them earn their chocolate milk for a day!
If you are like me then your kids get to go to work with you all the time…even on the weekends! I have the situation where my wife goes to the beautiful land of fluorescent lighting and acoustic ceiling tiles during the week, and I stay home with the kids while running a business on eBay. My kids get to go to work with me every day whether they like it or not! Poor things. There is more excitement at a Laundromat than there is at my job. The most exciting part of the day lasts about 15 minutes when auctions start to close. It goes something like… “C’mon!!! Go up another dollar you cheap people! What is wrong with you? Those are $300 shoes and you are stopping at $50? They’re Italian!!!”
I don’t really yell at the computer like that all the time, so I guess even that 15 minutes is probably boring to a toddler and a 6 month old. Some of my other pre-children jobs would have been much more fun to take them to. For example…
I once worked as a car salesman for a Pontiac dealership in Lubbock, TX, when I was 19 years old. “Zzzzzzzzzz….what? Time for lunch? Sweet! Let’s take the Trans Am again!” Pontiacs were not a hot seller in Truckville.
There were many waiter and bartender jobs throughout my 20’s. “Take your Kids to Work Day” would have gone like this…
“Yes, m'aam. I’ll be right back with that KETCHUP for your STEAK! Would you care for another glass of WATER?” There goes my tip. Some people should eat at home. The bars would have been more fun to show them. Nothing will scare your kids into pulling straight A’s more than taking them to work at a nightclub with you.
“Excuse me, sir? Could you please go throw up in the men’s room instead of ON MY BAR!” Wussy tequila shooters. At least puke in the trashcan… like I did once, but that’s all I’m admitting. Fine, once on a bar, too, but it wasn’t tequila it was Jagermeister. And it was more like a spit up in the ashtray, not on the bar. A very small ashtray that I then threw in the trash. Thank God it wasn't an out-of-control puking episode. Thank God I'm not twenty-one anymore.
Another fun job I could have taken them to was the pet boarding kennel. I worked as a Separation Anxiety Therapist for dogs and cats when people boarded them to go out of town. All I did was play with the dogs and pet the cats. I gave myself that fancy title to make it sound more exciting. I quit after a week with $96.00 in my pocket. What a crappy job that was.
Then there was the time I worked at a cigar store. Nothing beats taking your kids with you to work at a bar except taking them to your job at a smoke shop! “Here you go little man, have a Romeo y Julieta Churchill. You may as well start off with the big ones and work your way down! What? You think you’re going to hurl? Must be a good one! Try not to inhale it or your mother will kill me.”
I also worked as a courier for a while. They could have piled into the van with me and listened to music all day while zipping across town in traffic. At least the ride would have been thrilling for them. Trying to drive around town all day without getting into an accident while still making all of your runs on time is a challenge! At least for the first couple of weeks, and then you find out that it’s not that hard and it never changes much. Same route, same traffic. I even started to see the same cars on the same roads at the same time each day. I could recognize them from their stupid bumper stickers.
That is only a sample of some of the jobs that I have had in my life. If you have any kind of job more exciting than those, or what may be showing on television next week, then you should take your kids to work with you. Only if your boss doesn’t care, though. Most of mine would have frowned on it. You could always take them in and find out.
“Hey! Whose kid is that taking a whiz all over the fax machine?”
Oops, you should have left them at home.
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Quirkee Voices 
