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One of my biggest pet peeves... screw that, one of my biggest PEEVES in general is the idiotic wave of political correctness that can engulf our beautiful country. How can a democracy allow a minority of opinion to change what the majority of us want? Case in point: changing Merry Christmas to Happy Holidays at schools and places of employment. WTF?! I've been ranting about this to friends and family for a long time now. How can my employer give us Christmas off but we can't say Merry Christmas at work? Same for my kid: how can she get time off from school, a winter vacation centered around Christmas, but she can't say Merry Christmas at school? It's just plain idiotic. So when we ask about it, they (and you know who you are) say that they don't want to offend people of other religions or those who don't celebrate Christmas. Whatever. I have a quick fix for that - don't give those people Christmas off. They can work, for all I care, because I'm celebrating not only what people see as a time to give gifts to my friends and family but an important religious time of the year. Don't believe in Christmas? Fine, go to work. Belong to a different religion? Lobby to have off on your important religious days. I don't want off on your important religious days; I'll gladly be at work. And when people ask where you are, I'll say with a smile, "Fred is out today. And a Happy Kwanzaa to you too."

Thanks for listening. And this leads into my first news item of this week. According to an article on statesman.com, "Now, after criticism from religious groups, Wal-Mart is getting back in the spirit. For the first time, the merchant is bringing Santas into its 3,407 stores. And, after an experiment at a few locations last year, the retailer has set up a "Christmas Shop" in each of its 1,500 outlets with garden centers." What does this really mean? A couple of years ago, the discount chain substituted the word "holiday" for Christmas references and encouraged store greeters to do the same, in line with other retailers' removal of "Christmas" from advertising and stores. But what did Wal-Mart's customers really want? They wanted Wal-Mart to acknowledge what time of year it really was: Christmas, not Happy Holidays. "The message that we're giving to spread Christmas in the stores is one that really resonates with all our shoppers, regardless of religious affiliation," spokeswoman Christi Gallagher said. Thank you very much.

The neighborhood where I live likes to party. We like to kick back a few brewskis and enjoy each other's company. But the folks of Duncanville, Texas take it a bit farther than friendly conversation. According to an article on statesman.com, "The most popular address on Cedar Ridge Drive is Jim Trulock's split-level home, which has a group sex room and attracts as many as 100 people to swinger parties featuring "Naked Twister" nights." Naked Twister? Uh... is that supposed to be sexy or just hysterical? I vote for hysterical. The neighbors have complained of the noise, traffic and parking problems that occur in their otherwise quiet, upscale neighborhood every Friday and Saturday, when Trulock's home is transformed into "The Cherry Pit." Not only are the neighbors pissed off, so are the patrons of The Cherry Pit. "It's crazy that they want to force their morality down our throats," said Dawn Burton, 45, a regular guest at the parties. "We're all frustrated." Frustrated? Obviously.

And finally, humans are a resourceful species. We've managed to fly to the moon, explore uninhabitable places, and extend our lives with medicine and knowledge. We can even survive in the most inhospitable place on the planet: a men's restroom. According to an article on reuters.com, "A retired Scottish school teacher was recovering on Monday after spending nearly four days trapped inside a men's toilet with no food or mobile phone." David Leggat was locked inside the bathroom at a lawn bowling club near the Scottish city of Aberdeen after the door jammed and the handle on the outside fell off. He kept warm by running warm water over his feet but barely got a few hours of sleep a night in the cold temperatures. He was luckily discovered by a cleaning lady who showed up to get some equipment. Leggat said a survival course he had once done had helped him endure his captivity. Do they teach how to survive in a locked bathroom in survival courses? "At least there was a toilet to use," he said. "The only thing I regret is not getting trapped behind the bar." Curse fate for locking me in the bathroom with only toilet water to drink!

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