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As Greg Hahn bounds upon the stage, one is quickly reminded of an overzealous gym coach with ADD. You know, the type of guy who was looking everywhere at once, always gregarious and full of energy, ending all of his sentences with an exclamation point. He would chide the children when they were unable to perform the simplest of tasks that he expected of them. "What do you mean you can't shimmy that rope with your eyelids? Step aside, son!" Then he would proceed to shimmy up the rope with his eyelids just to show you that it could be done. That's when the ADD kicks in. "See, boy, you just have focus! All it takes is foc... oooh! Look! A moth!" he would say as he opened his eyes, lost his grip on the rope, falling a full story and a half as his massive Marine frame landed on your tiny, pale carcass. "Get up, son! You don't see me crying! And I just fell from up there and landed on your bony ass! Plus, I've got rope burns on the inside of my eyelids!"

Well, back to Greg. Greg is an energetic soul whose rapid fire, physical humor will actually wear you out just by watching him perform. His broad physique belies his Marine Corp past and one is amazed that someone of that stature could move so quickly and spastically. His manic grin and rubber-faced expressions coupled with his barrage of fast, anecdotal "life lessons" will keep you in a state of perpetual hysterics.

In a recent phone interview, I was able to ask Greg about his comedic style and how they developed. As God is my witness, I had to play the tape in slow mode to actually be able to transcribe it. What follows are excerpts of out conversation.

J.T.: When you first started out in comedy, doing open mic nights and such, did your material come naturally to you or did it evolve into what it is now?

Greg: Yeah, it came from stuff I've experienced, stuff I've done, you know what I mean? I always say... my whole point is 'get to the funny part quick'. Me as an audience member, whenever I watched comedy, I would get bored like instantaneously. I don't like a long set up myself, so my jokes are almost like a couple of words, a funny noise or a face. Whatever is funny, I try to bring it out immediately. I've always been ridiculous, you know? But then I get put on the spot, like 'Hey! It's the funny guy!' so, like you go to a party and that's where you're supposed to be completely over the top and that's where I would clam up. It's a weird combination of things.

J.T.: Were you pretty much doing this type of 'material' prior to ever getting up on stage?

Greg: Yeah! Yeah! I've always been ridiculous, you know? Always, 'cause that's the fun part! Like when you're in school...the more serious the situation is, the more you want to be a riot. Like in a quiet classroom, you know, or like a funeral or say like church... I won't go so far as to say a funeral... but like church. Wherever you're supposed to be really quiet is like where I wanted to go completely bananas, you know. But then I get put on the spot, like 'Hey! It's the funny guy!' so, like you go to a party and that's where you're supposed to be completely over the top and that's where I would clam up. It's a weird combination of things.

J.T. Is there a lot of pressure for you offstage to keep up that manic energy level, kind of like the Robin William's Syndrome?

Greg: Yeah! Yeah! Definitely. It definitely is. But, for me... I mean when I'm there to perform like in a comedy club, it's just nothing but fun. I mean, I can do Jäger-bombs on stage and I'm running around after the girls and it's just a complete release because I mostly do corporate shows, and they're, you know... I'm up there in a suit and tie and it's more of a business type comedy versus just doing, well, partying. 

J.T.: How hard is it to do a multiple headliner comedy tour like 'The Bob and Tom Comedy All-Star's Tour'?

Greg: Yeah, I still do those theater tours. That's the most fun I've ever had doing comedy... because every one of those guys are maniacs: Mike Armstrong, Bob Zany, Roy Wood Jr., Drew Hastings, Christy Lee... all of them. But not one of those guys is mentally healthy, you know. So for me, it's just pure enjoyment to do concerts with them. Plus, each guy does like twenty, twenty-five minutes, so it's like the easiest thing in the world. It's like playing on a team... it's like a big party and even with the people in the crowd, we've all got something in common. We've got the Bob and Tom Show in common, so it's like a big party with all your best friends that you've never met. All the other comics are like absurd funny.

J.T.: Have you ever injured yourself during a performance?

Greg: No... I have flown onto a full table of beer, though. The table collapsed when I flew off stage and landed on a table... I didn't get hurt, so it was alright. It was kind of funny, actually... a good way to close a show. 'Hey, hey! My finale!'

J.T.: Have you ever pushed it too far, though?

Greg: Well, what I've learned is that you just can't throw things at the audience. Like when I first started out, I used to throw stuff out into the audience and then there was this lady one night, who kept opening this umbrella in the front row while I'm doing the show, right?

J.T.: Maybe she thought it was a Gallagher show.

Greg: No, I wasn't even throwing anything yet! She was drunk and thought it was funny to just open her umbrella up in the front row. I happened to have had a large glass of ice water up on stage, and I thought, 'Man, that would be great that the next time she opens that umbrella, I'll spin around and grab this huge glass of ice water and chuck it against that umbrella. Oh it'll be a riot!' So I'm doing my show and BOOM, the umbrella opens up and I spin around and grab the ice water and fling it at her and as I'm throwing it, she closes the umbrella, the ice flies over her head and nails the woman behind her. All I could hear was the woman behind her scream, 'My eye!' And it's not just her eye... it's her good eye. She's got a real eye and a glass eye and I nailed her in the real eye. Like, I mean, a nightmare was facing me that I couldn't possibly imagine. So anyway, the show was over and I had to sit with her and buy her drinks. Luckily the eye cleared up, she was all right, and the club invited me back. That was a rough one, man. It's like one of the things you learn when you're starting out. It's like, 'O.K. That's it for chucking things into the crowd.'

Well... you've been warned.

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