So, you made a deal with the
Devil and you're having second thoughts? Here are a few tips that might help
you break the deal and avoid Eternal Damnation.
1. Be Really Annoying. If the
Devil sees that you frequently whistle or are quick to start up a sing-a-long,
he might think twice about whether he wants to be with you for Eternity.
2. Bribery. Everyone knows that
the Devil loves porn. If you have some weird, hard-to-get European stuff, he
might be persuaded to forget about your soul.
3. Extortion. If you have some
pictures of the Devil doing some things that might hurt his reputation
(rescuing a kitten, helping an old lady, or voting for a Democrat), he might trade
the negatives for the contract.
4. Feign Confusion. Devil says,
"I claim your soul and will now take you to spend an eternity in Hell!" You
say, "Hell? That's the place with the snow and the elves and the reindeer,
right?" Devil says, "What? No! That's the North Pole." You say, "So... you're
Santa?" Devil says, "No, I'm not- You know what? Screw it!"
5. Legal Wrangling. Especially
effective if you happen to be an attorney. If you are, then you are probably
really good friends with the Devil, already, right? Go over the original
contract. See if there's a loophole that you can exploit to your favor.
6. Finally, Acceptance. Hey, you made the deal,
right? Why not enjoy your career in a Boy Band while it lasts?
* Illustration by Scott Semegran
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