 You look absolutely fantastic. Really. I swear. You're not going to wear that tonight, are you? According to an article on cnn.com, "In a new Associated Press-Ipsos poll, over half of respondents said lying was never justified. Yet in the same poll, up to two-thirds said it was OK to lie in certain situations, for instance, protecting someone's feelings." But an important dilemma with the poll was, "four in 10 people answered that they'd never had to lie or cheat. But one in 10 of THOSE people said in the very next answer that yes, they might have told a lie in the past week." Well, we do have a conundrum on our hands, don't we? If you really dig down in it, how do we know the people who answered this poll are telling the truth at all? My guess is that all of them lied about lying on a poll about lying.
File this in the "You Won't Believe This Shit" category. According to an article on statesman.com, "[The Austin] police suspect Christopher Dameron, 34, of robbing an acquaintance early Wednesday in the parking lot of an H-E-B store at Parmer Lane and Interstate 35... Dameron confronted the driver of a brown Cadillac at gunpoint. The Cadillac driver was shot in the buttocks and his car stolen." But the Cadillac driver won't cooperate with the police, who think the incident was drug-related. But later on that evening, "About 3 a.m., a woman was found running naked at the Woodland Heights apartment complex in North Austin, police say. The woman, who knew Dameron, had voluntarily gotten into the Cadillac with him ... Dameron drove to a side street, sexually assaulted the woman and put her in the trunk, police say. Once he drove off, she managed to open the trunk while the car was driving on Interstate 35 north of Anderson Lane." This whole thing sounds like something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, doesn't it? And come on, of all places, why shoot a guy in the ass? Really. To embarrass him?
Also file this under "You Won't Believe This Shit." According to an article on news8austin.com, "Austin police recently seized crack cocaine disguised as potato chips." The article goes on to explain, "Police ... obtained a search warrant for [the suspect's] car where they found 168 grams of crack cocaine. The drugs were hidden in potato chip containers and shaped like wafers." Yeah man, if we make the crack look like potato chips, the cops will never find it. Stuff the weed in a hot dog and pour the acid in a coke and we can sell them as meal deals. Yeah man, that's the greatest idea ever. No, I'm not high.
How desperate are you? According to an article on cnn.com, "A woman who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" sent back to her home got a date all right -- a court date." So why was the cute cop there in the first place? It all started when a noise complaint was called in by neighbors of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. The deputy sent to check on the complaint knocked on her door, then left. But then Dudash decided to call 911 to get them to send him back. When the dispatcher asked why Dudash wanted him sent back, she said, "Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911." Come on, are you that desperate? The deputy returned all right, verified that there was no emergency and arrested her for misuse of the 911 system. I guess she never heard of 311, the non-emergency phone number. Or find the nearest bar next to the police station. She'll find plenty of cops there.
But the award for the "Most Desperate Woman" this week goes to Pamela Rogers. According to an article on Yahoo.com, "A former teacher who has already served jail time for having sex with a 13-year-old student was sent to prison for more than six years Friday for violating her probation by sending the boy nude photos of herself." When this dimwit was released after serving 198 days in jail, she was under orders not to contact the student or his family or use the Internet. But you know what happens when you are desperate? "But authorities say that even after appearing in court on a charge of violating her probation in April, she continued talking with the boy and sending him text messages and sexually explicit photos and video of herself." Wow, she sent naked pictures of herself to a 13-year-old boy. Unless this kid looks like a prepubescent Brad Pitt, this lady gets the "Most Desperate Woman" award for sure. I'm mean, what would they talk about? Videogame cheat codes and skateboards? Career advancement and 401K retirement plans? Honey, tell me about your day. Well, I was in the cafeteria and Ronnie took the last chocolate milk. Boy, that made me mad!
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