Whenever someone asks me to go bowling my first thought is that I'd rather take a Valium, sit in a room, and watch white paint dry.At least that's how I felt up until last Saturday night when some friends of mine dragged me out to chuck a few balls at the local Bowling alley. And while the evening was nothing monumental like a trip to Vegas or witnessing a chick fight, I have to admit, I had a blast.
The night didn't start out that way because the main reason that I've always hated bowling is the fact that I can't wear my own shoes.Maybe I'm a prude, or maybe I'm just a man that doesn't care to bowl or walk a mile in another man's moccasins.I don't care how much antiseptic or 409 you spray in those clown shoes, it's still nasty!But it was my buddy's birthday and he wanted to go bowling and my job tonight, as a man, was to soldier up and have a good time.So when the tattooed attendant handed me my size nine loaners I just smiled and grimly nodded my head in thanks.It didn't matter that the last guy that wore these probably didn't wear socks and had an extra toe on each foot, tonight was about having fun.
After defeating the number one ranked Texas Longhorns the Texas Tech Red Raiders have moved all the way up to the second ranking in the Bowl Championship Series!In one of the most exciting games of the year the number 8 ranked Red Raiders and the number 1 ranked Texas Longhorns traded blows in a game that even though it only had two lead changes feature numerous plays that swung the momentum back in forth for 60 electrifying minutes.So without further ado here is my recount of the greatest game of the year... so far!
Here it is, the final week of the presidential campaign and I know what you're thinking: is there a single person left in America who hasn't been the subject of some form of candidate outreach? Hockey moms, gun-totin' crazies, undecideds who are driving the rest of us nuts by their indecisiveness, along with independents, liberals, conservatives - everybody has somebody reaching out to them. Or so you think. But you are sadly mistaken. Both campaigns are missing crucial voting blocks that could make or break this election. And since I'm an unabashed Obama supporter, I'm going to direct my startling insights to his top-level advisors. Folks, pay attention. I'm about to lead your guy to victory by pointing out the five untouched voting blocks that could sweep Obama into office.
Ignored voting block number one: English majors.
Forsooth, for too long English majors have been ignored in the demographics of this race. In both the scarlet states and the azure states, as well as those whose colors form an interesting pastiche, a group of literate lads and ladies have been waiting for a candidate to come rapping, gently rapping, at their chamber doors. So the next time that Palin or McCain say something insulting, Obama should fire back with a Shakespearean insult to capture the English major vote. Something like:
It was a wild week for the Cowboys, to say the least.It started on Sunday with an overtime loss to the Arizona Cardinals, but that was only the beginning.What came next was a perfect storm of injuries that was capped off with the loss of Pro Bowl Quarterback Tony Romo.Having broken his pinky on the second to last play of the game, Tony will be out for the next four weeks of the season.As if that wasn't enough, the news on Tuesday was that, along with all the injuries the team had suffered, the Cowboys were also losing Adam "Make it Rain" Jones to a four-game suspension for a drunken brawl that took place the previous week.What had started out as a potentially Super Bowl season was quickly falling into a possible 6-10 campaign of "What the hells?" and "What ifs."Yet some how, as Dallas teetered on the brink of disaster, hope was renewed by a trade with Detroit for the former University of Texas wide receiver Roy Williams.Sure, the next four weeks will be pure hell, but on the bright side, the team has another weapon for its already lethal offense, once Jessica Romo returns from injury.One minute the sky is falling and doom is knocking on the door, the next minute the sun is shining and Fate is once again smiling down on Texas Stadium.The newspapers eat up this kind of stuff, but for Cowboys fans it's just business as usual at Valley Ranch.
Your team sucks.You know how I know this?Because I cheer for a different team and my opinion is clearly the only opinion in this conversation that matters.This
is what it's like to be locked into a heated battle in the world of
internet sports messaging boards. It's like trying to argue with
someone who completely disagrees with you and thinks that the only way
to get their point across is to raise the volume of their voice. For
three hours, I ranted and raved at complete strangers and even received
my first ever "reported violation" for using profanity on a public
website. In all, it was the most frustrating and yet exciting three
hours that I've ever wasted in my life.
GOOD MORNING, FELLOW AMERICANS!!! DANG IT ALL, I AM SO PROUD TO BE AN AMURIKAN. I AM. CUZ WE ARE THE BEST. EVER. IN THE WORLD. AND UNIVERSE. AND COSMOS.
Whew, I am whipped up, amped up, stoked to the gills with patriotic fever from the Republican convention. I’m on a red, white and blue high! GOL DURN, aren't you PROUD to be an AMURIKAN? HUH? AREN'T YOU... Hey, I'm gonna interrupt myself to cheer! I'm gonna give a big ole shout-out to the red, white and blue. I'm gonna break into YOU-ES-A, YOU-ES-A. Yah, baby, get a load of Sarah "Hot Lips" Palin! Beats the hell out of Dick Cheney, don't it?? YOU-ES-A!
I found a gray hair on Sunday morning and my first thought was, "Crap!
It must be football season." I'm not that old, but no other team for
that matter nothing in my life other than my wife, can get me as worked
up as the Dallas Cowboys. For more than thirty years I've cheered for
this team, through thick and thin, taking every loss like the death of
a pet and blowing up every victory like a proud parent looking at a
report card filled with A's. I know it's just a game, my wife reminds
me of that every time the Cowboys lose, but for me it's the only game
in town. So as the Boys kicked off the season this past Sunday,
against the Cleveland Browns, I had to smile as I prepared myself for
another roller coaster ride that would end either in Super Bowl glory
or the oblivion of another first round playoff exit.
As the Texas Longhorns gear up for this Saturday's home opener do not be fooled by the unfamiliar name of their opponent.Florida
Atlantic is a legitimate opponent, who is favored to win the Sun Belt
Conference, and the Horns will need to do more than just show up if
they're going to win on Saturday.Gone are the days of the Longhorn's opening up against teams slightly more talented than Westlake High School.As last year's 35-32 victory over the then unknown, University of Central Florida, in the Home Opener proved, there just aren't that many "gimme" games left in the NCAA.If you don't believe me just ask a University of Michigan fan how they felt after the fifth ranked Wolverines were shocked at home by Appalachian State 34-32?What's worse is that not only did they lose the game but rival Ohio State
fans went out and started buying Appalachian State T-shirts just so
that they could rub it in a little more when the two teams met at the
end of the season.So like Billy Dee used to say
on the Schlitz malt liquor commercials, "Don't let the smooth taste
fool ya," because the Owls are for real and the Horns are in for a game
this coming Saturday.
When
my buddy asked me if I wanted to go to the Roller Derby, my first
thought was of an old Charlie's Angels rerun where the girls go
undercover at a corrupt roller-rink. That was
always one of my favorite episodes, so I was excited to finally get the
chance to see real Angels duking it out in person. Of course, what I actually witnessed at the Austin Convention Center was nothing like what I had seen on TV. On
TV, Farrah Fawcett kicked ass on the track and solved a murder to boot;
in real life, the Roller Derby is more like a burlesque show on wheels. I
knew I was in for an interesting evening when I saw a priest, a cowboy
and a tattooed boob before I even entered the Convention Center. And it didn't stop there.
"Dixie, you look like a slut!" came the high-pitched squeal from across the courtyard. "I am one," the Roller Derby's "Penalty Mistress" replied as she lit her cigarette and greeted her friend with a hug.
When it comes to baseball, I cheer for three teams: the Texas Rangers, the Houston Astros and whoever is playing the New York Yankees... ba da bump bump. I'm kidding; the team I cheer for when the Astros and Rangers have fallen out of contention is the Chicago Cubs. The poor Cubs
fans have suffered through 99 years without a World Series title,
survived countless heartbreaks including losing the 1945 World Series
and being 5 outs away from another trip in 2003, but that's not why I
cheer for them. No, the reason that I cheer for the Cubs harkens back to a hot summer day in Chicago almost five years ago. It
was the day of my first and only trip to Wrigley Field and as it turned
out it was also one of the best sports experiences of my entire life.
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