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I'd like to end this nonsense once and for all.

There are a lot of people who have had children and can't stop telling me how great it is and asking when I'm going to get on the ball and get my wife knocked up. We have so far chosen to remain childless. This is a decision that has been regarded as "selfish" by a lot of people.

People like my parents. Her parents. Our brothers and sisters. Our friends and enemies. That lady on the flight to Atlanta. The Catholic Church. Orson Scott Card and Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, (that's a long story for another time).

Every comedian has a story about their worst gig ever. This week I thought I would give you mine.

Let's start with a little background...

The best comedy happens in a comedy club... period. When a comedian is allowed to say whatever he or she wants to say, unfettered by a responsibility to censors. As far as live performance is concerned, it's the last bastion of free speech.

I spent last week at a club in Edmonton, Alberta. The one in Canada. It was cold as Hell, but the people were friendly. I noticed quite a few differences between Americans and our neighbors to the north. They noticed quite a few more about me.

First of all, (and this will probably be controversial), most Canadians are smarter than most Americans. It's true. And they are also much more well-informed about us than we are of them. If you mention Rutherford Hayes to them, they know who you're talking about. Can you name three Canadian prime ministers? Me neither.

Every once in a while, a controversy arises in the comedy world and when it happens, all of my non-comedian friends and family want to know my opinion about it, so I have to reluctantly turn off the porn and surf over to find out about it.

Last week, a shit storm resulted when Carlos Mencia and Joe Rogan got into it on stage at L.A.'s Comedy Store. Rogan accused Mencia of stealing material. The argument later continued outside the building. Someone took video of the whole thing and it wound up on the internet, (briefly, and I'll get to that in a minute.)

The result was that Rogan was banned from the Comedy Store indefinitely and he was subsequently dropped by his management.

A friend of mine named Brett Clawson died recently. He was a comedian and he was killed accidentally and it was very tragic. I thought it would be appropriate to devote this week's column to a funny story about him.

A few years ago, Brett was playing a one-nighter in a small town in Missouri with another comedian, J.R. Brow. J.R. was the headliner and Brett was the opener. The plan was for Brett to go onstage, entertain the crowd for about 30 minutes, then introduce J.R., who would then do about an hour. After J.R. was finished, Brett was to go back onstage and thank the crowd and wish them good night.

Small town one-nighters rarely go according to plan. They're a little like a child's birthday party. You don't know exactly how they're going to go, but you can probably bet that someone's going to wind up crying, someone else is going to throw up and yet a third will get punched by someone else.

Greetings to the faithful readers of Quirkee.com...

My name is Matt Sadler and I am a comedian. The wise and ever forward-thinking editors at Quirkee have asked me to contribute a regular column to the magazine concerning the world of stand-up and life on the road as a comedian.

I was only too happy to oblige and be a part of this new venture. When I subsequently asked the next logical question, "How much will I be paid?" the guy I was dealing with actually faked a leg injury and the conversation ended abruptly. Suffice to say that for the time being, this column will be for your enjoyment and my edification.