Whenever someone asks me to go bowling my first thought is that I'd rather take a Valium, sit in a room, and watch white paint dry.At least that's how I felt up until last Saturday night when some friends of mine dragged me out to chuck a few balls at the local Bowling alley. And while the evening was nothing monumental like a trip to Vegas or witnessing a chick fight, I have to admit, I had a blast.
The night didn't start out that way because the main reason that I've always hated bowling is the fact that I can't wear my own shoes.Maybe I'm a prude, or maybe I'm just a man that doesn't care to bowl or walk a mile in another man's moccasins.I don't care how much antiseptic or 409 you spray in those clown shoes, it's still nasty!But it was my buddy's birthday and he wanted to go bowling and my job tonight, as a man, was to soldier up and have a good time.So when the tattooed attendant handed me my size nine loaners I just smiled and grimly nodded my head in thanks.It didn't matter that the last guy that wore these probably didn't wear socks and had an extra toe on each foot, tonight was about having fun.
After defeating the number one ranked Texas Longhorns the Texas Tech Red Raiders have moved all the way up to the second ranking in the Bowl Championship Series!In one of the most exciting games of the year the number 8 ranked Red Raiders and the number 1 ranked Texas Longhorns traded blows in a game that even though it only had two lead changes feature numerous plays that swung the momentum back in forth for 60 electrifying minutes.So without further ado here is my recount of the greatest game of the year... so far!
It was a wild week for the Cowboys, to say the least.It started on Sunday with an overtime loss to the Arizona Cardinals, but that was only the beginning.What came next was a perfect storm of injuries that was capped off with the loss of Pro Bowl Quarterback Tony Romo.Having broken his pinky on the second to last play of the game, Tony will be out for the next four weeks of the season.As if that wasn't enough, the news on Tuesday was that, along with all the injuries the team had suffered, the Cowboys were also losing Adam "Make it Rain" Jones to a four-game suspension for a drunken brawl that took place the previous week.What had started out as a potentially Super Bowl season was quickly falling into a possible 6-10 campaign of "What the hells?" and "What ifs."Yet some how, as Dallas teetered on the brink of disaster, hope was renewed by a trade with Detroit for the former University of Texas wide receiver Roy Williams.Sure, the next four weeks will be pure hell, but on the bright side, the team has another weapon for its already lethal offense, once Jessica Romo returns from injury.One minute the sky is falling and doom is knocking on the door, the next minute the sun is shining and Fate is once again smiling down on Texas Stadium.The newspapers eat up this kind of stuff, but for Cowboys fans it's just business as usual at Valley Ranch.
Your team sucks.You know how I know this?Because I cheer for a different team and my opinion is clearly the only opinion in this conversation that matters.This
is what it's like to be locked into a heated battle in the world of
internet sports messaging boards. It's like trying to argue with
someone who completely disagrees with you and thinks that the only way
to get their point across is to raise the volume of their voice. For
three hours, I ranted and raved at complete strangers and even received
my first ever "reported violation" for using profanity on a public
website. In all, it was the most frustrating and yet exciting three
hours that I've ever wasted in my life.
I found a gray hair on Sunday morning and my first thought was, "Crap!
It must be football season." I'm not that old, but no other team for
that matter nothing in my life other than my wife, can get me as worked
up as the Dallas Cowboys. For more than thirty years I've cheered for
this team, through thick and thin, taking every loss like the death of
a pet and blowing up every victory like a proud parent looking at a
report card filled with A's. I know it's just a game, my wife reminds
me of that every time the Cowboys lose, but for me it's the only game
in town. So as the Boys kicked off the season this past Sunday,
against the Cleveland Browns, I had to smile as I prepared myself for
another roller coaster ride that would end either in Super Bowl glory
or the oblivion of another first round playoff exit.
As the Texas Longhorns gear up for this Saturday's home opener do not be fooled by the unfamiliar name of their opponent.Florida
Atlantic is a legitimate opponent, who is favored to win the Sun Belt
Conference, and the Horns will need to do more than just show up if
they're going to win on Saturday.Gone are the days of the Longhorn's opening up against teams slightly more talented than Westlake High School.As last year's 35-32 victory over the then unknown, University of Central Florida, in the Home Opener proved, there just aren't that many "gimme" games left in the NCAA.If you don't believe me just ask a University of Michigan fan how they felt after the fifth ranked Wolverines were shocked at home by Appalachian State 34-32?What's worse is that not only did they lose the game but rival Ohio State
fans went out and started buying Appalachian State T-shirts just so
that they could rub it in a little more when the two teams met at the
end of the season.So like Billy Dee used to say
on the Schlitz malt liquor commercials, "Don't let the smooth taste
fool ya," because the Owls are for real and the Horns are in for a game
this coming Saturday.
When
my buddy asked me if I wanted to go to the Roller Derby, my first
thought was of an old Charlie's Angels rerun where the girls go
undercover at a corrupt roller-rink. That was
always one of my favorite episodes, so I was excited to finally get the
chance to see real Angels duking it out in person. Of course, what I actually witnessed at the Austin Convention Center was nothing like what I had seen on TV. On
TV, Farrah Fawcett kicked ass on the track and solved a murder to boot;
in real life, the Roller Derby is more like a burlesque show on wheels. I
knew I was in for an interesting evening when I saw a priest, a cowboy
and a tattooed boob before I even entered the Convention Center. And it didn't stop there.
"Dixie, you look like a slut!" came the high-pitched squeal from across the courtyard. "I am one," the Roller Derby's "Penalty Mistress" replied as she lit her cigarette and greeted her friend with a hug.
When it comes to baseball, I cheer for three teams: the Texas Rangers, the Houston Astros and whoever is playing the New York Yankees... ba da bump bump. I'm kidding; the team I cheer for when the Astros and Rangers have fallen out of contention is the Chicago Cubs. The poor Cubs
fans have suffered through 99 years without a World Series title,
survived countless heartbreaks including losing the 1945 World Series
and being 5 outs away from another trip in 2003, but that's not why I
cheer for them. No, the reason that I cheer for the Cubs harkens back to a hot summer day in Chicago almost five years ago. It
was the day of my first and only trip to Wrigley Field and as it turned
out it was also one of the best sports experiences of my entire life.
Every
year American viewers are overloaded with award shows for everything
from music to video games, which is why I personally think we could do
without the ESPYs. ESPN's award show for athletes is kind of redundant
when you realize that most sports already give out awards of their own
called championships and compared to them winning an
ESPY is like winning an MTV movie award. Sure it's nice to be
recognized by the fans, but which award do you think Tom Brady wants
resting on his mantle, the ESPY for the NFL's Best Player or the Super
Bowl MVP trophy? I can hear his acceptance speech now, "You know, even
though we choked in the Super Bowl and blew the chance for a perfect
season, this ESPY makes all that hard work worth it." It's nice, but
as I've said before, in the real world the only things that matter are
championships.
Of
course, no ESPY conversation would be complete without mentioning the
horrifying awkwardness of a red-carpet filled with sports stars. It's like a parade of 12‑button suits and muscular women wobbling around on six-inch heels.Seriously,
next year couldn't we recruit some drag queens from Off Broadway to
teach the WNBA stars how to walk in heels? Not that I'm giving the men
a free pass either - the outfits they wear are usually so bad they
either look like an extra in an R. Kelly video or a miserable 5th grader on class picture day.Personally,
I think next year ESPN should just embrace the brutality of the scene
and get Joan Rivers and Alexis Arquette to do the red carpet
commentary.
Last Saturday night
I gathered up a group of my friends and headed down to the Frank Erwin
Center (FEC) to see Richard Lord's latest group of spirited boxers duke
in out in front of what could only be described as a raucous crowd. Now
I've never been to Vegas for a big fight, but after attending last
Saturday's fights I can only hope that someday Quirkee will pony up the
money to send me to the City of Sin for a weekend of testosterone and debauchery. What follows is the blow-by-blow tale of Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight Night at the Frank Erwin Centerrrrrrrrrrrr!
After pre-funking
at my buddy's house with Jack Daniels and Pizza, the Gang and I entered
the FEC ready to party, but were quickly brought back to earth by the
$6 beers at the concession stand. I mean $6, really? If
we were seeing Cotto vs. De La Hoya, I'd understand the need to take
out a loan for a round of beers, but when most of the fighters on the
card still had day jobs I think the crowd would've been better served
with dollar-beer night and free nachos. Luckily though, thanks to Sinatra's drink of choice, we were already buzzed and weren't to be deterred by expensive crappy beer.
*I've left out the
names of the fighters in the first seven fights in order to save the
losing fighters from any ribbing that they might receive from their
co-workers.
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